Deadpool: Agent of Chaos-Deep fried wings of freedom
by D-Piddy8256
Summary: Death "Trojan Horse-ed," Deadpool into "THE WALLS" and in the fist of Captain Levi, and was locked up next to Erin Yeager. Commander Erwin suspects he's a Variant Type Titan, and just like Eren, he tries to recruit Deadpool in the Survey Corp.BUT,Deadpool wonders what he could do to this place the Titans haven't. What did Eris want from the Walls.
1. Chapter 26: Mistaken Identity

**YOOO! To everyone who's been following the series so far, thank you for reading, reviewing, and tolerating the headaches you must get after reading my style of writing.**

**To anyone who is starting out with this Arc, I usually go by Dpiddy, I've been cosplaying Deadpool variations for a long time and this is my first fanfic series. In a nutshell , Eris, the goddess of discord hires Deadpool to different worlds in an infinite number of realities. The one's he goes to , are filled with entities (superohero main character types) striving to extinguish chaos ( Beating up bad guys). So Deadpool goes to these worlds to bring chaos and disorder in balance with harmony. This in turn makes people fearful that their lives could end at anytime, and that gives Eris her powers. For his services, Deadpool wants Eris, with her word as a goddess, to void his past discretions from his memories. He gets flashbacks that would be debilitating to a soldier, but the way his healing factor and cancer cells keep duking it out, he can tolerate them. Plus he has his personalities to distract him from getting overwhelmed. If he loses his healing factor, his PTSD makes him sane…but crazy…if that makes any sense. **

** So far, my first arc brought him to Jump City in the World of Teen Titans, Equestria in MLP: Friendship is Magic, and Ooo in Adventure Time. Now he's inside wall Rose post battle of Trost. If you've only seen the anime watch out, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. I'm piecing a few events from the manga and OVA to recreate how the events were to unfold if Deadpool showed up. These places I send Deadpool to are suggested by people who PM me or suggest it in the review section, so don't be shy to share your thoughts and suggestions as well. No flames please, no negative vibes, and be gentle. **

**OH BTW. Just so no one gets confused.**

***Anything inbetween the asterisks is Personality#1 talking to Deadpool in his mind***

**(Parentheses indicate Personality #2)**

**These represents sounds outside the conversation**

**** Asterisks in the dialogue is the sound or actions made by the person indicated by**

**Deadpool:" *Thumbs up* THIS!**

_**Italics indicate singing **_

**And finally Bold Print will indicate the personalities talking to Deadpool in his head so no one get's confused. **

**ENJOY!**

Deadpool: Agent of Chaos- Deep fried wings of freedom. 

Wall Maria, Rose, and Shina. What some call a "back handed gift from God" , others embraced it, and deemed the walls to be gifts for humanity. All three were set up in layers, built thick enough for a corpse and a half eaten soldier to lay across. Going deeper in the layers, the walls obviously get smaller, but 200 foot walls at most 500 miles around its perimeter, is not small at all especially to Titans, God's other gift to humanity. Humanoid creatures 50 to 10 feet tall in constant feral state. Their one goal is to eat humans, for the sake of eating them. Not for sustenance, or as an act of terror.

A bird's eye view of the walls depicts them almost like the rings in tree bark, except age has nothing to do with it. The inner circle, was the inner circle for the rich, Military Police, as well as the king. The king and the corrupt fat cats in the government are protected by Wall Shina, the pupil on God's eye as it were. Ironically, these are the movers and shakers of every district in all three walls, they commanded an army with the altruistic nature of a suicide bomber, yet they've never seen a Titan for over a century. Like Gautama Buddha , measures were placed, to hide the dark truth of humanity.

Wall Maria, the outer most wall. Home to the "Bravest Soldiers" in humanity, except they're just peasants who took bribes from the government to live in these sardine can shaped districts. Why are they brave? Because getting slaughtered by Titans is not only possible, it's guaranteed. Any District that's a part of Wall Maria is designated first contact point. Humans there serve to distract Titans, in the event of a breach. And they did , and 10,000 people we're devoured, with the rest retreating to Wall Rose.

Titans invaded Wall Rose 5 years later, after losing Wall Maria to them, the humans fought, and won. Eren Jaeger, at the time was a trainee striving to join the Scout Regiment, who was responsible for man kind's first victory against the Titans. Now he was the subject of an investigation and was waiting for his Tribunal in a Prison cell, chained like an animal on a rickety bed, eating bread and water as if the entire district ran out of both. Amnesia hit him hard, he couldn't remember what happened that day. It wasn't until Scout Regiment Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi took a seat in chairs about an arm's length away from Eren's cell bars.

After Eren's hearing, the decision was made for his immediate entry into the Survey Crop under Squad Captain Levi. Not lightly , considering religious influences within the Military and Eren's eminent threat level among humans. However Captain Levi's brutish methods to sway the vote caused damage to Eren, so he was being treated for bruises and a broken tooth. Those healed as soon as he was examined. It was becoming apparent to Eren that after hearing what had happened, all the accusations, blurred memories, and words of murderous and blasphemous anarchy, that it was all true.

Eren has the ability to encase himself in the exact anatomy of a 50 foot Titan, and now everyone knows it. From the 104 trainees squad whose lives were saved when Eren ripped through every Titan that tried to kill them, to the people in attendance in the Tribunal throwing garbage at his paralyzed body calling him a monster. The thought of sharing similar traits with something so terrible, made Eren sick. He stays strong in hopes that he can get into his father's basement, who apprantly is responsible for Eren's transformation, and to use his newly discovered ability to win mankind's war against the Titans.

Levi and Erwin had to make one more stop before they could play with Eren's Titan form. While Eren was being Examined after Levi beat the living piss out of him, they headed back to the prison cells. They had one more Titan related issue to settle. Both officers sat back down in their seats to question the new occupant in Eren's old cell. He was about 210lbs of scars tissue and mouth. Some parts of his body resembled the Colossal Titan's( the 200 foot Titan who broke through both walls) exposed muscle, porcelain white eyes like the Armored Titan ( Broke through the first wall with the Colossal Titan) with regenerating powers of every Titan possessed. The tone of the prisoners skin went from peach to blood red, not a common feature among Titans, but shared with some. Captain Levi was biting his lip, if only to let Erwin have the first word in, because all he saw was another Titan variant he wanted to slice open. Erwin cleared his throat and addressed the prisoner as professionally as a human could without a blade.

Erwin:" If you can understand me," he nodded," do what I just did, if you can't or don't understand," he was interrupted by Levi

Levi:" That tells us, not only are you an idiot, but an invalid."

Erwin:" Levi," Erwin said slightly irritated," We're just trying to establish communication, my name is Erwin Smith, 13th commander of the Scout Regiment, this is one of my Squad leaders, Captain Levi," Levi nodded and spit in the prisoners cell. Ewrin just continued with the introductions," You're arrival aroused many interested parties, but due to recent events, we don't know if this occasion deserves celebration or a stronger look at our security."

Levi:" Titans keep getting through our walls and eating my men, if that means cutting your head off , I won't even hesitate," Levi hunched forward let the prisoner know he was serious. His voice grew deeper as his eyes were shrouded In darkness from the lighting," in 60 second you have to convince me otherwise."

Deadpool:" CH, HAH!, Way to the pressure on stubby," Metal shackles rattled on Deadpool's wrists as he clapped his hands to and rubbed them in anticipation. Levi just gave Deadpool the Green Light.

***FIRST CHAPTER, FIRST ROAST OF THESE TWO IJITS, AND WE'RE RATED M FOLKS***

**( 60 seconds two make these guys crap the sticks out of their asses, Ready….GO!)**

Deadpool:" First off, Ewrin was it?" Deadpool points to Ewrin, who nodded yes," Sorry, it's just that I look at you and wonder if you're the bastard child of Ozymandias from 'Watchman' and Adolf Hitler. What happened, did the mean ol Nazis not approve of daddy's "lifestyle"? I bet Ozymandias punched you with face with his abs and called you the "Knot that couldn't be aborted." So you lived amongst the Jews, finger banged Anna Frank till the war was over. Tell me, does the word וואַגינע( Yiddish for Pussy) pop up when you pick your nose and take a whiff?"

Levi:" Waiting time feeding your ego eh?," Levi stood up move closer to his cell, giving his trademark blank gaze." You should've left your ego with that Titan you flew out of, with that explosion that left.." he was interrupted.

Deadpool:" Oh, Don't get me started Captain Shorty, Mr. 'I don't have a woman,'" Deadpool pulled off his blanket that was draped over him in his prison bed," You are a dead ringer for Napoleon's gay sister if it wasn't for your Christian Bale Batman accent," he started mimicking Levi's voice," 'MY PARENTS ARE DEAD'…HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!"

This didn't faze Levi at all. Levi was a 5 foot 3 inches of Titan slicing skills and is dubbed humanity's strongest soldier. Given his blank expression, he must have seen a lot death, so Deadpool had no effect on him.

Levi:" Twenty seconds left smart ass."

Deadpool:" Choke on a bag of baby dicks," Deadpool started throwing gang signs at Levi," I have no idea what a Titan is, I blew up whoever's stomach so I wouldn't fucking melt like a Menthos in root beer,…..OH and let's not forget that you punched me flat on my taint then told me clean everything, I swallowed my pride and did it, then you lock me up and got me chained to a bed like Kathy Bates in Misery. Other than setting off an explosive device in public, LIKE A BOSS, ya got nothing to charge me with. But if I was a Titan, you two ass-butts get to share cell for unlawful confinement, kidnapping and every frikin POW law. Unless joking with intent to humiliate is a crime, get me out of this these cuffs and tell me what the hell a Titan is so I can shake it's hand for being the proverbial sticks in both your asses. Otherwise .….I'm gonna beat-up Levi here till he sweat his perm out. Then I'm fittin to pop the trunk on your bitch ass, WIGGA!"

Levi:" Erwin, I need 10 minutes alone with this shit head." He said in frustration

Deadpool:" Ooooo," Deadpool made sounds as if he was scared," bring it on half pint."

Erwin:" LEVI!," He stood up and raised his voice to his subordinate," Stand down now,"

Levi let go of the cell bars, but he kept staring at Deadpool, causing him to back pedal at the head of his bed. Erwin grabbed Levi's arm and pulled him to the side where they could talk privately.

***Did they just ditch us?***

**( I think that one guy might not like us)**

Deadpool:" Ah..Did I hurt the widdle soldier feewings," he was talking to Levi as if he were an infant and loud enough for him to hear it" If it makes any difference, you sure as shit gave my fist a boner," he flips his guards off.

Guard #1:" Do you have any idea who you just pissed off?"

Deadpool:" Hmm," he tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. For some reason his eyes followed across it.

Guard #2:" HEY," The guard gets angry and used the butt of his rifle to rattle the bars," you're in a lot of trouble you monster….," Deadpool ignored him as he kept lokkng at the ceiling from his bed," WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?"

Deadpool:" It's amazing, I can see them," Deadpooll started counting whatever he was seeing with his pointer finger," It's all the FUCKS I GIVE! One fuck, two fuck , red fuck blue fuck," he continued," black fuck, blue fuck, old fuck, new fuck"

As Deadpool counted fucks, Levi and Erwin were having a private conversation about Deadpool. Erwin wanted to convey the idea to recruit Deadpool into the Survey Corp Eren just joined. He was a true strategist in the context of using Deadpool as an asset. Having Eren's Titan powers gave humanity a fighting chance, just imagine the worth of a soldier that could survive the insides of a Titan. Levi however wanted to cut of his and mount it at the end of his broom.

Levi:" If you think I'm supporting this half ass plan you cooked up at the last minute, forget it," Levi leaned on the dungeon wall right next to a torch.

Erwin:" Have you even considered that he might be telling the truth?, " Erwin copied Levi and leaned on the wall opposite of the half pint hero." You just assumed he was a Titan, but you said he set off an explosive in its stomach. Titans don't have any other orifice other than the mouth, most likely he was eaten and is suffering trauma and memory loss."

Deadpool:" GUYS," he shouted in a 3rd grader tone," You missing all the fucks I give. Some fucks are sad and some are glad. And some are very, fucking bad. Why are they sad, bad, and fucking glad, I don't know, ask your dad."

Levi:" Most likely huh?," Levi closed his eyes and shook his head in pity," That sounds more like an infant's attempt to get attention."

Deadpool:" GUUYYYSS, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, Some fucks are fast, some fucks are slow, some fucks are high and some fucks are low, not one fucking fuck, is like another. Don't ask us why, go ask your FUCKER! HAH!"

Erwin:" Levi, the report said his flesh was regenerating after the acid did damage. Eren's Titan abilities and this gentleman's healing abilities. You don't just throw away a gift like that."

Levi:" A gift you can give back, you want him me to trust him with my men, how stupid does that sound?"

Erwin:" Levi, the people have gone through enough. Eren managed to escape a public execution. Imagine the chaos the will ensue if they find out about this guy."

Levi:" Which is why we should kill him and be done with it. One more freak won't make a difference if it decides to go against us."

Erwin:" Exactly, Eren is getting better at controlling his Titan form. If the prisoner poses a threat, we'll have Eren get rid of him. If they both turn into threats, well….we took a risk accepting Eren in the Scout Regiment, one more won't make a difference."

Levi:" So you're just gonna trust him, trust him with my men and trust him to willing serve the Military? We just met the idiot, but you're letting him join us just because he's like Eren? When did you take risks as big as letting Eren and whoever this guy is? You're a risk taker, it's part of the job, this however , is suicide with a punch line."

Erwin:" Levi," He took a deep breath to calm his nerves," I'm tired of this. All of it," Ewrin pinched in between his eyes, as if to avoid crying." Living a life of constant survival and paranoia, is not worth living. I lost Marie to Nile, we've been through two Titan breaches in led than a decade, and now Eren and this prisoner have Titan abilities. This is getting us nowhere, but those two might be are chance to make the human race dominant again. Besides, I already got the approval from Darius Zackly to recruit the captive if he was of any value."

Levi:" *sigh*, you'll do it regardless of what I say anyway, GUARD," Levi summoned a guard to his side," Get Hange to examine him, I want all my fucks in a row…"

Deadpool:" HAH, I HEARD THAT!

Levi:" Grrr, " he didn't catch himself using Deadpool's metaphor," Just get the shitty-glasses over here."

Guard #1:" YES SIR," He gave a salute and went off.

Levi:" Oy," He walked back over to Deadpool's cell," That shit you had with you, the pouches and your weapons?"

Deadpool:" Oh yeah, where are they?"

Levi:" Locked up, but my Commander thinks you might be some kind of soldier with amnesia. So…are you a soldier?"

***Hey, play along. Amnesia is the perfect excuse to ask a butt load of questions. We'll get enough intel on this joint and get things started***

**( If anything they'll just assume we're stupid)**

Deadpool:" Yeah, I served my government , but now I'm just servicing myself, that came out wrong. And yes, my memory is getting a little fuzzy."

Levi:" Fine, we'll have one of our men debrief you on what's happeing now."

Deadpool:" Are you hitting on me. 'Debrief?' That's all I'm wearing at the moment so if you paln on pealing these off you better make it worth my while."

Levi:" Be grateful. You'd be Titan fodder if it weren't for Erwin."

Deadpool:" Fine I'm grateful, but what exactly do you guys want me to do."

Levi:" I want you dead, but we suffered a huge loss in soldiers, so we're drafting you in the Scout Regiment."

Deadpool:" Drafting….COME ON!"

Levi:" No one's forcing you, the other option is keeping you in this cell until you die or join us."

***Dude, he's making us soldiers in whatever crap military they got here***

**(That means military issued fire arms, the good shit)**

Deadpool:" I'm cool with that, use me however you see fit,"

Levi:"…," Levi scowled at the thought of working with this nutbar.

Deadpool:" DO you ever smile? Remember , a smile is just a horizontal pussy. So let one ride your face okay buddy?"

SLAM

News spread fast about Deadpool within the military grapevine of rumors. Hange was the latest to hear about him, which drove her to Deadpool's cell, slamming against the bars.

Hange:" OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S SO CUTE," her arms flayed in between Deadpool's cell bars. She was like the kid at a museum that wanted to touch everything," A WIDDLE BABY TITAN," She started talking to Deadpool like an infant.

Deadpool:" BITCH," he was back peddling towards the headboard of the bed," Guys, pretend I'm an idiot and explain what a Titan is so this bitch tries to put me in diapers. "

Hange:" How cute," she was in her own little world," He thinks he's people."

Ewrin:" Titans," Erwin walked back to Deadpool's cell." are the creatures we're currently fighting against. Their anatomy resembles that of a human, except they don't have any major organs aside from their stomach. They can regenerate from any life threatening injury we inflict. As for their height, anywhere from 10-200 feet, in fact that's why Levi's unit started to panic. You're exposed muscles on parts of your body is a dead giveaway for the Colossal Titan, the one who kicked down our walls that have protected us for over a century. That's who we think you are"

***We don't act like that do we?***

**( Breaking down walls…regeneration …um…."we're dead Jim")**

Deadpool:" Whoa Whoa," Deadpool waved his hands rapidly side to side, and looks at Hange," you think I'm a Colossal asshole?"

Hange:" HIS FIRST CUSS WORD," She started crying," Short-ass, our baby is growing up so fast,"

Levi:" *facepalm* women, in case you forgot, Titans don't have genitals. This idiot blasted himself…."He was interrupted.

Deadpool:" Hold on a sec, let me show you something," before he could plant his foot down, Deadpool's shackles pulled back, causing him to trip on the floor with his lower body hanging off the bed," Can I get out of these things, if you want me to join your homo erotic band of donut punchers then we need to establish a "trust tree" and grow it until it's ready to smoke, ya feelin me boss?"

Hange looked back at Erwin with sad puppy eyes. She wanted Deadpool free. It didn't matter if he was a Titan or human. He was unique, and to her , was worthy of further examination.

Ewrin:" Guards, unlock his gate and shackles, aim your rifles throughout this examination. "

Guard #1&2:" Yes sir." Guard #1 fiddle with his keys and maged to get Deadpool's cell gate unloked. Guard #2 kept his rifle lock on to Deadpool just in case. Guard #1 unlocked Deadpool's shackles and returned to aim at him with his rifle as well. Erwin nodded to Hange, signaling her to exam Deadpool.

Deadpool:" Okay," Deadpool takes his blanket and hangs it over the bars of his gate," first we need some privacy."

Levi:" Hange…." He muttered under his breath in anger.

Hange:*behind the blanket/curtain* " Chill out Levi, if he tries to eat me I'll show mercy."Ewin, Levi, and the guards couldn't see what was happening in Deadpool's cell, but they could hear what he was saying.

Deadpool:" Hi there, Wade Wilson," He offers his hand as a good gesture.

Hange:" OOH, I'm Zoë Hange," she clasps both of her hands on Deadpool's and shook with all her might. Deadpool managed to get his hand back, and looked at Hange.

Deadpool was still in his boxers, without his suit after it was destroyed inside the titan. You can count the women who've seen Deadpool au natural with the lights on , on one hand. For him, meeting women usually ended with a restraining order or a slap in the face. Hange stood there and went into fangirl mode.

Hange:" Ok, so to verify that you,"

Deadpool:" WAIT," He interrupted Hange," I've got my own way, you said Titans don't have organs right?"

Hange:" *nods*"

Levi paced back and forth wondering what Hange was doing to Deadpool. Hope it hurts the bastard he thought. This guy wasn't like Eren…he looks like he's in titan form, but Eren reverts back to his weak ass size. Then Hange spoke from behind the curtain/blanket.

Hange:" HOLY SHIT!, " She put her hands over her mouth in embarrassment," Guys, he's not a titan, but he does have a colossal umm organ.

Levi:" What did he show you? Did you cut yourself open to show her what's inside your scab of a body?"

Deadpool:" Noooope!"

Levi:" Wait," he starting to think like Deadpool," …YOU IDIOT, DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERWEAR?!,"

Guard #1:" Uhh, I don't think the penis is an organ."

Deadpool:" HEY, THIS IS NOT A PENIS, THAT'S A LOOOOOONG DICK!"

***Skin flute, that's an organ right?***

_A few days later, at the Military Training Facility_

Deadpool was released from prison, but had an escort to the Training Facilities. The Hange and two guards traveled with Deadpool to get his training started. During their journey, Hange told Deadpool about her research, and basically summarized the history of Titans. She offered him her sketch book to see what they looked like. From what Hange drew, they did look like Deadpool. When asked about his "amnesia," Deadpool gave a sob story about how his wife and kids were eaten killed by something he couldn't remember, then after miraculousy learning about Titans, he remembered it was the Titans who ate his family while he was out plowing the town sperm dumpster. It was all fake of course,

Deadpool was mobbed after he set foot on military soil. They wanted him in clothes before he did something stupid again. He was fitted with pale white shirt, with a short borwn jacket over it with the Recruit symbol on the back. The pants were fitted with buckles and knee high brown boots. Hange grabbed Deadpool by the arms and dragged him down for "boot camp" traintraining.

Deadpool:" BUT I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL," He cried while flailing his boots on the ground, this cause a dirt cloud to form , making every eye in the Training area focused on Deadpool.

Hange:" Yyyyou *huff* are going *gasp* or I gut you know and play with your insides," she struggled trying to pull Deadpool. Luckily Deadpool found the motivation to go. In the distance he saw the Baracks. Right now what's left the 104th are still living there, including a certain blond that caught his eye.

Deadpool:" Booya!, " He pulled his arms back to do a kick up," Excuse me."Deadpool dashed towards his new found interest.

***BOOTY HAD ME LIKE . ***

**( Hmm, 5 foot 4…a little more than 100 pounds…..I don't know, I can't tell if she's over. )**

Deadpool:" Guess I'll just have to wing it," Without alerting the blond women, Deadpool moved behind her," Hey their pop-tart, care to get toasted?" he made his move and smacked her butt.

?:"*GASP," She turned around to see Deadpool's shit eating grin," HOLY CRAP YOU'RE A TITAN!," the blond fell on her now sore buttocks in fear.

Deadpool:" I'm not a , HOLY SHIT YOU'RE A DUDE," Deadpool did the same.

Hange:" I see you've met Armin," She managed to catch up before it went further. Her attention was directed at Armin. " It's okay Armin, he's not a Titan, he's just in bad shape. And Armin, This is Wade Wilson, and ummm sorry wade, but Armin is a guy."

Deadpool:" Never speak of this again," He pointed at Armin," Are we clear?" Squinting one eye with the trademark raised eye brow on the other. That was the guy code for 'It doesn't count, cause I thought you were a chick.'

Armin:" ….,"he froze and trembled at Deadpool's resemblance to the Colossal Titan. It wasn't even a week after the battle for Trost, but now thoughts of decapitated Titans, Eren saving him by getting swallowed, being ambushed by Titans in their own headquarters, loomed over Armin consciousness.

Mikasa:" ARMIN," She shouted running to Armin's aid.

***Please tell me that's a chick.***

**(Glob I hope so. If not we may have to consider the possibility that we are operating with a Gay-dar)**

Mikasa:" You," She was wearing her 3D maneuvering gear. Deadpool looked at her "equipment" and was impressed. Mikasa retaliated once she caught a glimpse of who was bullying Armin. " You!"

Deadpool:" Me?"

Mikasa:" What are you?"

Jean:" MIKASA GET AWAY, THIS IS THE BABY TITAN LEVI CAUGHT!"

Jean sprinted in between Deadpool and Mikasa, shielding her from any and all attacks. Hange wanted to intervene, but she looked around and saw that Jean's calling Deadpool a Titan brought an audience circling around them. Officers and Trainees wanted to know if this was the man/titan they've been gossiping about.

Connie:" KICK HIS ASS MIKASA!"

Jean:" Huh," he looked back at Connie Springer.

Sasha:" NO MERCY MIKASA!"

Jean:" Wait what?" Now everyone was cheering on Mikasa to assault Deadpool. To Jean, that was a punch in his pride balls. They either thought Mikasa was the only one to kill him , or they assumed Jean was the weakest. Either way , it was a bystander cock block effect.

Deadpool:" ENOUGH!," He yelled at the top of his lungs, it was even louder than Jean's warning. He started to take his jacket and shirt , leaving only his slacks, a few belts, and boots.

Deadpool was shirtless, and without a mask. Everyone who gathered around to watch his antics, gasped at how Deadpool looked. His scar tissue, skin, eyes. Every detail had similarities to most Titans, but Deadpool didn't care. In fact, he thought this would be a good way to fuck with everyone so Eris would get her good vibes of chaos. Then he looked at everyone's shocked expressions around him, squinting his eyes at fearful faces yelling profanity. He thought, why would Death and Eris pick this place? From what Hange told him, the Titans were the dominant race, and humans lived in fear because of it. It was chaotic enough, so why keep "beating the dead horse", as it were.

Deadpool:" Folks," he addressed the audience," Am I the ass-hat that was captured by Levi la Pew? Yes, but I'm getting sick of repeating myself like a broken record. Let's talk Turkey."

Sasha:" TURKEY!"

*Ok, check another one off the bucket list*

( Checking off " Girl's Gone Wild Over White Meat")

Deadpool:" Yeah," he pounded his in a gang salute fashion," She's got the idea people, so to end this , I'm gonna need a knife."

Hange:" Wade," She said in an up-down tone," What are you doing?"

Deadpool:" Kill two birds with one ,"

PSSSHH

CLUNK

Deadpool:" Kah-nife," His speech started to get more jumbled and random than usual.

Hange:" *Gasp* that is incredible!," She was referring to the 3D-mauveirng grappling hook sticking out of Deadpool's head. The hook went straight through while the barbs stuck to the sides of Deadpool's face, buried in his skin and drawing blood faster than an I.V. Hange didn't even notice who fired off the hook. It was Mikasa. She gritted her teeth while unfastening her belt that connected the Piston to her waste, letting the operating device to spin the iron wire back up on its axel. It smashed Deadpool's face in, sending bits of bone and grey matter around him with a shower of blood. The kickback back made him fall on his butt once more. As if he didn't have enough problems, now every time he sits down, he's gonna remember this moment.

Hange:" WADE!, I NEED BOLT CUTTERS NOW!," She shouted at anyone who would help.

Sasha:" FINISH HIM OFF MIKASA!"

Mikasa was ready to kill again. She almost lost Eren twice and wasn't about to let this Titan variant near him or the team. She also removed her shirt and jacket with the rest of the 3D gear not in Deadpool's head. Eyes were glued on Mikasa when she grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. It wasn't her black bra that drew attention, it was her sweat drenched abs glistening of her stomach. She brought her arms up to defend her face and slowly maneuvering around Deadpool. Hange tried to tell her that the fun was over , but no one heard her over the crowds cheers for Mikasa to put Deadpool down. Suddenly, a cool breeze passed by, and she saw a pair of bolt cutters next to her legs.

Hange:" What the hell," Confused, but grateful to whoever sent them. She picked them up and started to cutting the wire. Eventually she got through and the hook slipped out the back of Deadpool's head.

The people started yelling at Hange, calling her a traitor and that her love for Titans has gone too far. That was silenced when they saw Deadpool regenerating faster than a 50 foot Titan. In less than a minute, Deadpool's bones were resent and his brain regenerated. He was conscious again, which compelled him to find the nearest thing that could cut something. Deadpool grabbed the bolt cutters from hange, holding a handle in each hand. Hange watched as Deadpool guided the bolt cutter on the back of his neck, a titans only weak spot, and snipped a huge piece off. Armin cringed a bit after hearing parts of his spine crunch. Blood trailed on Deadpool's back like a water fall.

Mikasa:" It, killed itself," She was shocked that a Titan knew anything about suicide.

Reiner:" Why did you give her the bolt cutters ?" Reiner stood on the porch of the barracks with Annie and Bertolt.

Annie:" I wanted to see what would happen," Her voice carried no emotion, only curiosity.

Bertolt:" Do you…wel I mean.. do you think he's like Eren?" he asked nervously

Reiner:" He's a warrior, but don't think he is."

Annie:" I guess his regeneration powers must be some fluke, but the universe is rarely that lazy."

A small voice came out of Deadpool's mouth as he dropped the bolt cutters, still on his knees and bleeding.

Deadpool:" Wah hah hah," It sounded like a single toothed goblin," I shall now reveal my true form, for you have awakened," People were to dumbfounded to notice Deadpool slipping his hand down his pants," THE COLOSSAL," he screamed while using his other arm to unzip his pants. A fist suddenly shot out of it," DICK! OH NO, IT BROKE THROUGH WALL ZIPPER, QUICK THROW BALLS AT THE HOLE TILL IT'S PLUGGED," He contied to sound like a scared child, then he opened his hand that stuck out his pants," AHHHH, OOOH NOOO,IT GREW 4 EXTRA HEADS AAND CAN SPIT IN YOUR EYE ACROSS AN ENTIRE CROWD OF PEOPLE FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN BEING A COLOSSAL …DICK! HAAAAAAAHHHHAAAHH, " He gave his best Pee Wee Herman laugh.

Hange:" WADE!," she whispered in a a high pitched tone to express her annoyance," Why didn't you let me cut the nape of your neck?" now she was frustrated and pouted while sitting Indian style with her arms crossed.

Deadpool:" Oh come on, that was funny," He look around to see a bunch of confused faces. Sasha threw up as soon as she heard the crunch. Armin did too, but swallowed it instead," You all got that right?" He was waving his hand that went through his zipper," This was a dick," His hand waved to everyone," the hand was the dick, the pants were the wall…..nobody got that?"

**Next time, we'll see why Eris sent him to Wall Rose, Deadpool has limited time to train before the next expedition, Annie decides to have fun with Deadpool, more fun with the rest of the 104****th**** squad, and Mikasa VS Deadpool with narration and commentary by Deadpool's Personalities. **


	2. Chapter 27: Unleash the Deadpool!

**WOOT! Finally I finished another chapter. I wanted to bring the characters out more in this one and to foreshadow something awesome, so I don't have to do it when the shit eventually hits the fan.**

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review.**

**-D-Piddy8256**

_3 weeks from the present_

An army stands ready, 25 recruits, lined in a 5X5 formations. If you were a worm, a gopher, or even a Diglett, you'd witness history in the making. The training grounds of the Military, have never before seen some of the most talented recruits since the 104th.

The moon was casting over the Walls, making every Titan immobile, and also making it the perfect time to train. The 25 recruits stood in attention, as their commanding officer made his entrance outside the compound. He was in full Scout Regiment uniform, with the exception of anything to cover his face.

Deadpool:" ATTENTION!,"

STOMP

Deadpool:" Sooo, what do we have here?," He appreoched the first soldier in the first row and looked down at her," And what trigger happy redneck name did your parents give you Missy?"

纏 流子:"Ch!," She snickered under her breath," It's 纏 流子…Sir."

Deadpool:" Is that a fact?," He got in her face until his sergeants hat touched her forehead," What's that mean in English, runs with scissors?," he said in condescension."

纏 流子:" No sir."

Deadpool:" Well from on I'm calling you Private Hellcat, DO YOU LIKE THAT NAME MAGGOT?," He shouted in her face. Spit escaped his lips since he didn't have his mask.

纏 流子:" Actually I do sir"

Deadpool:" WELL THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!," He paused for a second," wait what?"

***They're not supposed to like the name, remember?***

**(We're building an army, not a Saints Row IV character)**

***Tee hee , Nolan North***

Deadpool:" Whatever, FIRST ROW, ABOUT….FACE"

STOMP STOMP STOMP

All the recruits in the front row were now face to face with the second. Deadpool marched to the next row, and the next recruit.

Deadpool:" WHAT'S YOUR NAME COPY CAT?"

?:" *sigh* Really? The Full Metal Jacket scene?"

Deadpool:" SHHH," Deadpool tried to silence him by covering his mouth, although difficult through the mask," DUDE, don't ruin this for me," he whispered," or I'll tell you know who that your "nut butter" has killed before."

?:" SORRY SIR!"

***This is not working out to well***

**( Find an easy target, as depressing as this sounds, this might be the last time we can crack jokes at people)**

Deadpool:" SECOND ROW…um….," He lifted his hat to scratch his head," DO THE LAST THING I TOLD THE OTHER GUYS,"

STOMP STOMP STOMP

Deadpool:" Thank you."

***DON'T SAY THANK YOU, HOW WILL THEY RESPECT YOU NOW?***

**(Seriously, you just thanked them for following order)**

Deadpool:" You're right, let's see," He approached his new target," AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU FROM."

?:" SIR, I'M FROM ? SIR."

Deadpool:" ONLY TWO THINGS I KNOW COME FROM ?, VEGANS AND PUSSIES, AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE TONGUED A MEAT POPSICLE BALD HEADED YOGURT SLINGER…..HMFFF."

Her hips rotated on the balls of her feet , flinging her foot at Deadpool in the solar plexus with a front kick. The recruits started to laugh at Deadpool's misfortune at handling the troops. He's hunched over cradling his poor rib cage, still standing , and holding in a decent amount of vomit.

***We're losing em***

**( OOOH, try that goth chick over there)**

Deadpool:" *cough* What, where?," Deadpool gets a look a pale looking, female with a gothic lotita outfit," Worth a shot I guess," He walks over to her in the fourth row. It turns out she was taller in the distance, but came up a few inches shorter than Deadpool." DO YOU SUCK DICK….KPAAAH!?"The Tiny goth punched Deadpool where the other girl left off, making him puke.

?:" Quit while you're ahead you fuckwit or next time I'll aim for that sperm bank you call an asshole and make you shit baby batter."

***HOLY SHIT, THE MOUTH ON THIS BITCH***

**( XD, Yeah, all we did was ask her if she sucked dick, satisfied yet?)**

Deadpool:" heh," Deadpool could feel the cold dirt on his knee caps falling down from the goth chick's punch, but he started to laugh for reasons unknown," WHHAAAH AHAHAHHAHAHHA….Perfect, FUCKING perfect," She shouted but in an offset happy tone.

?:" Blimey, this bloke is bent as a nine pound note."

?:" Coming from a thief *hiccup* fittin to be a pirate, that's interesting," The bearded gentle took a step forward, out of the 4th row, and approaches Deadpool with a drunken swagger." Oye ," he taps Deadpool on the shoulder while he's still on his knees laughing.

Deadpool:" Heheh," Tears of laughter were wiped away," Yes, Mon Ami?" worst French accent ever.

?:" Might I inquire as to your intentions?," He knelt down beside him, the rest of the 24 recruits gathered, wondering why he was laughing after getting hit," We're all a little barmy( Crazy) so if you would share with us, the task which we are to perform for the….Er um…. Ah yes , Eris."

Deadpool:" Listen everyone," he cupped his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice," we have something in common," He dusted himself off and stood back up with all eyes directed at Deadpool," We're ADDICTS! Addicted to our chaotic life style. Ask yourself, 'Would I change careers is so and so hadn't of blah blah blahed?' HELL NO! You can deny it, but I'll admit, nothing gets me hotter than a near death experience, guns blazin, people screaming, governments overthrown."

?:" The sound of two swords clashing in battle,"

?:" Heh, when a Demon asks for a slice of my pizza, impaled on my sword..actually I think I got him the stomach, Heh Irony."

?:" Eating cake off my sister's new boy toy's abs."

?:" Conquering this desolate planet, then subjugate these monstrosities, destroy all you filthy stink children pig monkeys, AND UNLEASH DOOM THAT'S NEVER BEEN DOOMED BEFORE!"

?:" Laa shay'a waqi'un mutlaq bale kouloun moumkin"

?:" Uhh,"points," what he said,"

?:" Bending….the laws until you break em."

Deadpool:" YES, YES ,DEFINATLY YES, TOTALLY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SAID, BUT FUCK YA DUDE, READ A BOOK YOU IJIT, AND…..bending the laws? YES TO THAT BAD PUN.," He was was acknowlaging all of those who spoke, yelling at the top of his lungs, and getting the recruits all amped up. "We do the dirty work everyone else cringes at, but we fucking love it. WE PICK UP WHERE THE LAW LEAVES OFF! The point is, the shit that we all do as a career, would make Rambo's asshole pucker up into a brown starfish the size of a decimal point, but that's why we love it. And the job I have for you guys, well it's right up your alley down the Hershey Highway."

CHEERS

Applause filled the training area as Deadpool rallied his army. It felt good to Deadpool, knowing he didn't have to put up a front. He could be himself, without his suit, and without prejudice. These were his people. Individuals whose caustic nature , drives their mendacious intent. Deadpool steped back, to look at the horde he gathered, in order to pull off a first rate job of 'Take-sies Back-sies'.

_Present: Military Training Facility-Mess Hall_

Deadpool's public display actually worked better than he thought. Usually when he shows off his powers, people are either freaking out or placing bets on when it'll grow back. This time, rumors about Deadpool did a 180. To prove he wasn't a Titan, Deadpool cut out the nape of the back of his own neck, clean off, and regenerated in nearly 5 minutes, with no steam escaping. Despite his attempt at a dick joke, everyone knew he was on the up and up, but were still cautious. You can't be imprisoned on suspicion of being a Titan and not have haters.

It was night time, the 104th trainee squad we're ordered to remain at their barracks, even though they graduated. The Mess Hall hasn't changed much other than one more mouth to feed. Deadpool sat at the farthest table from the door and further away from people. If you've ever worn a cast, everyone and their mother will ask how you broke it. Deadpool wanted no part of being questioned by a bunch of teenagers. His "amnesia" story was going to be uncovered eventually, so he needed to get his training over with. If for no other reason than learning how to use your enemies weapons.

Deadpool changed out of his uniform into a pea green long sleeve shirt and some slacks that left room for imagination. He broke off half a roll of bread, dipping it in his cream of potato soup. A lot of people looked at Deadpool with a blank expression, as if they've never seen someone eat before. Deadpool figured they were still skeptical about not being a Titan. He just rolled his eyes and shrugged it off, continuing to eat his diner.

Deadpool:" *Munch* Fantastic, just when you think high school is over, BAM!"

***Does everybody have to look at us?***

**(They don't want us sitting at the popular kids table)**

Deadpool:" Heh," he acknowledged ," True enough, but now we have my busted faced and cancer ridden body, something I didn't have in high school, but that doesn't mean I get social points for looking like a Titan."

Eren:" Hey," Standing right next to Deadpool was Eren Yeager, newly recruited into the Scout Regiment.

Deadpool:" Huh, " He looks at the gangly teen," What do you want string bean, can't you see I'm pretending to enjoy this meal? Do you know how hard it is to bullshit a potato?"

Eren:" You were talking to yourself," the table shook a bit as Eren took a seat across from Deadpool," Do you know, anything else about Titans, about what happen to us?"

Deadpool:" Come on, I done told you igits I'm not a Titan, but you weren't there when I took out a chunk of my neck big enough to make sushi. I'm not a frikin Titan, and what do you mean 'happen to us'?"

Eren:" My name is Eren Yeager, you might as well hear it from me. I was the one suspected of being a Titan before you were captured," he slammed his fist down on the table, trying to remember what he had actually done in Titan form," They all wanted to dissect me," He had a pale grimace looking down in a bowl of sub-par soup." 5 years of seeking revenge on Titans, then I get Titan powers I never asked for, and now I can't remember what actually happened, like you I suppose."

Deadpool:" Me?," he bonked his head remembering the story he told everyone," RIGHT, yes the amnesia, I gots it bad."

***Let the character sell itself, don't overdo it***

**(Remember, amnesiac soldier outside of the walls)**

Deadpool:" But yeah," he scooped a couple of potato pieces in his spoon," I guess mine are on 24/7, at least you can control yours."

Eren:" That's what I told everyone at my tribunal," He grabbed his bowl and sipped it like artisan blended tea," *gulp* Maybe we can help each other out?"

Deadpool: Help?," without his mask, his bleach white eyes widened in surprise," Sure, why not? Better than the alternative of being on an operating table, I should know."

***YOU DICK, STOP SELLING THE CHARCTER, HE BOUGHT IT ALREADY***

Eren:" Wait, who exactly…"

SLAM

Another food tray was slammed on the table, belonging to Mikasa, Eren's stepsister and the top recruit in the 104th. Usually her general affect is hard to read, but now she went from stoic to pissed off just to behold Deadpool's mangled mug. Armin "placed" his tray next to Mikasa's and sat with her and Eren….oh yeah, Deadpool's there too.

Deadpool:" Umm," he saw that the odds were not in his favor, 3-1," if this is an intervention…" Deadpool was cutoff.

Mikasa:" I…uh.," Fighting back the urge to strike Deadpool, she hesitated and bit her lip"

***It's the walking Ironing Board***

Deadpool:" Quick question for ya Crouching Tiger, are those your real abs or are you secretly a Titan too? Yeah cause they look like you ate three pissed of humans on top of each other, sticking their bare asses out through your belly, six pack my ass….well their asses but let's not go splitting hairs… or butt cheeks."

Armin:" Before that," Armin brought his skinny arms up to stop the conversation," Can we start from the beginning," Gesturing, he grabbed Deadpool's hand and shook it," My name is Armin Arlet, this is Mikasa and you already know Eren," a hint of frustration was detected by Deadpool.

Deadpool:" Wade Wilson," he reciprocated the shake, but grabbed Armin's wrist with the other hand, rubbing his forearm up and down, it tickled and sent the same chill up Armin's spine l." Pleasure is obviously yours."

Armin:" Any way, Hange covered what was happening to you, correct?" he jerked his hand back, freeing it from getting stroked.

Deadpool:" Hange, heh. Yeah she gave me the basics."

Armin:" She forgot to mention one more thing. You have less than a week, to finish your military training , or.." he trailed off tiling his head and rolling his eyes

Deadpool:" Or what "shota" version of Miyazaki's Howl."

***Nice***

**(Not if you knew what shotacon meant)**

Armin:" Or we hand you over to Judiciary Committee. You'll most likely be taken in by the Military Police as a Titan threat."

Deadpool:" Well, I certainly wouldn't want that," His frustration was building as he tore off a piece of bread with his teeth. Deadpool was being treated like he was in the Weapon X program, a weapon.

Armin:" Of course not, honestly I don't have a problem with you. Life is a little shorter for us now that we joined the scout regiment. I don't want to waste it squabbling over you and Eren. That being said, I found a way to augment your training." Armin had a few document written up with Rico from the Garrison, the one who ratted Eren out as a Titan.

Deadpool:" GIMME," He grabbed a few pages from the stack Armin was holding and started skimming a few titles off," Physical Analysis: Endurance, Stamina, Strength, Balance…"

***It's bad enough getting treated like an attack dog***

**(It's even worse to be treated as a D&D character)**

Eren:" Armin was able to convince Commander Smith into giving you assessments to see what you already know. We can't waste time figuring out what you're skilled in and these tests will shorten training time. I can tell that when you say you're a soldier, you're telling the truth. So the only thing we need to focus on is …"

Mikasa:" I'm …training you….on the equipment I shot through your head."

Deadpool:" Well ain't that some god awful news."

Mikasa:" Deal with it," she slapped the assessment papers out of Deadpool's hand. " Armin's right, we need to put this behind us to move forward."

Eren:" Mikasa, What the Hell?!," Eren was loud enough to draw attention to the conversation. Everyone in the mess hall were walking on eggshells around Deadpool, but this confirmed that they were waiting for shit to go down.

Deadpool:" OH COME ON I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING," He was addressing the whole mess hall.

Eren:" OYY!," Standing up to defend Deadpool, Eren blocked the other Survey Corp members view. " Enough blood has been spilt to make us all crazy, but get over it. Wade, cut himself open to prove himself and earn our respect."

Deadpool:" If you're gonna put something in my mouth Jeäger-meister, the words , 'Beer' and 'Panties' better be one of them." He stood up and moved towards Mikasa.

Mikasa:" …whatever you're planning , don't involve Eren."

Deadpool:" Wouldn't think of it ."

CLOBBER

Connie:" It's about to go down, I KNEW IT!"

Deadpool gave Mikasa a flicker jab to her nose, puncturing her enough tissue for blood to drip out. Armin got pissed and tried to rush Deadpool, but Mikasa held him back. She knew it was an invitation to a fight. Both of them pushed tables back to the wall hard enough for food to fly off. The whole unit wanted this to happen eventually. Reiner decided to intervene.

Reiner:" Listen up cause this is the only time we'll let this slide. You two," He pointed to Mikasa and Deadpool, but they were just were busy shodow boxing." Get this out of your system, Sasha!"

Sasha:" Huh, " she started to look guilty," It wasn't me I swear."

Reiner:" Not that, get some empty potato sacks , strip em, and get Eren to help you wrap both their hands. I want this to be clean; no kicks, no rabbit punches, no holds, no clenching, and no hitting below the belt, Mikasa?"

Mikasa:" Hmm," Nodding was all Reiner was going to get form her.

Reiner:" Did you get that last one, whatever. *Clears throat* 1 round of boxing , no time limit."

Sasha finished making the burlap strips and handed some to Eren. Deadpool gave her his hands , expecting her to freak out. She smiled and wrapped his Deadpool's hands. Her guileless presence meant she was getting better after getting back Trost.

Deadpool:" You look happy, you bet against me didn't you?"

Sasha:" Not really, you just signed your death warrant," she was more relaxed around Deadpool after the stunt he pulled with the bolt cutters." Smiling helps my gag reflex, I'm not use to being this close to a Titan."

Deadpool:" *sigh* It's like talking to the 4th wall," he said under his breath," I'm not, have never been, and don't plan on being a Titan."

Sasha:" I'm sorry," Her face looked like a child's after getting caught cussing in front of company."

Deadpool:" Why? Did you fart?"

Sasha:" Huh," She pulled Deadpool by his shirt in total shock," WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"

***Wait, did she fart?***

Eren focused on wrapping Mikasa's knuckles, he really didn't want to look at her. Yet again Mikasa goes to great lengths for his well-being, but if Wade did have Titan powers like himself, he thought, wouldn't Mikasa support that. Eren was deep in thought when Mikasa noticed he hasn't said a thing to her, she started to panic a bit.

Mikasa:" Eren, understand I can't risk losing you…"

Eren:" Mikasa," She shuddered when he spoke her name through his teeth, he was nearly finished with the wraps so he wanted to speak his mind," You need to stop protecting me like this. Stop your pretentious bullshit," He tucked the last knot under the strap on her wrists," If I'd never met you and you stood next to me, knowing full well what I can do, would you kill me?"

Mikasa:*blush* Never."

Eren:" Then do mankind a favor and don't kill this guy," Using his teeth, eren tore a piece of tape to wrap the edges of the straps," no matter how much he may annoy you."

Mikasa:" No promises."

Eren:" Mikasa, what am I going to do with you?,"

Mikasa:" *blush* I have a few ideas."

Sasha:" He's all set."

Mikasa moved towards the center, double ditching her way and in while practicing a few punches. While the crowd focused on her, Deadpool was pulled aside by someone who kept their hood on indoors.

Deadpool:" What the," He looks behind him," Do you know who wears a hoddie up in the house, douchebags." The person in question whispered into Deadpool's ear.

?:" Who do you think the enemy is?"

Deadpool:" This ain't the ," He spun around only to find no one," time to be cryptic? "

***Again with this crap?***

**(How convoluted can this plot get?)**

Sasha:" Hey, what are you staring at, get in there," Sasha pushed Deadpool in the center of the ring , consisting of the entire 104th squad with a couple on peepers through the window." If you lose, can finish your dinner?"

Deadpool:" Sure, I was faking it with the potato the whole time anyway."

_ROUND 1; FIGHT!_

***Welcome back folks, tonight we bring you, the onetime only bout, between Mikasa 'Su casa' Ackerman and Wade 'love monkey' Wilson***

**( 1 round, 1 winner. Yes, believe or not Deadpool has dug himself in a hole deep enough to get Wi-fi in hell)**

***A hole deep enough to bury a former congressman's closet skeletons***

**(And just like burying a boner, It's about to go down)**

**DING**

***AND THERE'S THE FAKE BELL SOUND***

**(Mikasa looks determined to finish Deadpool off)**

***I think she was fittin to finish Eren off***

**(But not before she rotates around Deadpool, changing her pace to keep him guessing)**

**Throkk, Swap , biff**

***UH Ohh, guess who motha fucka? Mikasa gives Deadpool the ol head, body head combo***

**(Deadpool stumbles backwards after what must of felt like making out with an express train)**

***And who doesn't want to get it on with a big "caboose"?***

**(Abvossuly not Deadpool. His arms are still up, but no retaliation)**

***At this point Mikasa is waiting for a fuck to drop from the sky to give, she winds up and ***

**CRACK**

**(WHOOP! Deadpool gets hit with a barrage of haymakers)**

***I think I heard a took break***

**(Just like what Levi did to Eren)**

***I don't think Deadpool is making that reference right now***

**(Why is that?)**

***He's just , taking her punches. Did he give up or something?***

**( He's still blocking her fists, well most of them)**

***Oh no…is he using the "rope a dope" tactic***

**(That only works in multiple rounds,hmm, but there's no time limit so I guess it's feesable)**

***I already see it now, Mikasa is hyperventaling, She's getting a little tired***

**(Not tired enough to give up her right not to give a fuck)**

***She moving in a serpentine motion…..IT'S THE DEMPHSEY ROLE***

**(MIKASA'S ABS ARE WORKING OVER TIME TO BOB AND WEAVE,BUT SHE'S LANDING RIGHT AND LIFT HOOKS LIKE NO ONES BUISNESS)**

***Deadpool's hands drop, Mikasa takes the advantage and***

**CRUNCH, WHACK, CRUNCH, WHACK**

**(It's like watching Pokemon's Clefairy doing the Metronome with fists, tits and ass)**

***And abs, I can see them through her shirt dude. She's confusing our penis***

**(Relax, remember the golden rule?)**

***That only counts in a three way***

**(With us, it's always going to be a threeway)**

***Speaking of fucks not being given, Mikasa is still making sinkholes in Deadpool's cheek bones***

**(The crowds cheers fainted a bit)**

***I know, it's like their watching an execution***

**(But Mikasa is still determined to not give away that fuck)**

***She's saving it for Eren* **

**(Ohh, wait a second, MIKASA FAINTED!)**

***What the hell just happened?***

**(All I know is that Deadpool finally brought down his arms)**

***Mikasa is struggling to get up, she can't even lift her head***

**(Uh oh, I don't think she should)**

***Deadpool, OKAY STOP THE BROADCAST PEOPLE, DEADPOOL IS ABOUT TO PULL SOMETHING OUT OF HIS ASS***

It wasn't over just yet. Deadpool whistled while he prepared himself for the next attack. While Mikasa was on her knees and elbows, Deadpool whistled a bit before his feet were next to here head, but rather than kick someone who's already down, he face the other direction , beding over like a Quarter back, looking at Eren and Armin.

Deadpool:" Why Eren," He faked being surprised," what a beautiful penis you have."

Eren:" *Blush* ARMIN!, why didn't you day my zipper was," His pants showed no sign of a breach, this didn't stop Mikasa from jerking her head to get a better look at …..Deadpool's sweaty butt.

FART

Deadpool:" Phew!," Deadpool waved his hand in front of his nose," Everyone take note, this is how you get an asshole to talk."

The room filled with frozen stares, especially Jean. Thinking that he just disrespected Mikasa in such a vile way, Jean rushed towards Deadpool. His haste would cost him when Deadpool stepped to the side, sticking his foot out. Jean's ankle connected, sending him straight to the other side of the crowd, crashing into Connie.

CRASH

Connie:" OH SHIT," He tried to back pedal back until his shaved head was knocked back by Jean's wild fist. The crash sent the two igits sliding under the table with Connie on the bottom looking at 1. Jeans crotch in his face, and 2. Sasha stuffing her face with bread.

Jean:" OWCH," Jean scratched his head to check for blood, then checked on his friend." Connie , I didn't mean that."

Connie:" HMMM," Holding his breath Connie pushed jean off of him." Jean, this is coming from the bottom of my heart, but the last FUCK I gave was to your MOM," Connie lashed out in pain.

Jean:" Don't you DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT."

Ymir:" *LAUGHTER* WHAHAHAH!," Ymir, the tomboy of all tomboys was now laughing on her back, kicking her legs out in short spasms.

Krista:" Tee hee," The short petite blond couldn't contain a few chuckles

Reiner:" Eren?" Reiner poked his head next to Eren's

Eren:" Reiner, I'm doing my best not to laugh, what is it?"

Reiner:" How do I score this," Reiner couldn't make heads or tails of what just happened. Deadpool took a beating, Mikasa passed out, Jean did something stupid to Connie, but mostly Reiner was referring to Deadpool's winning fart, which knocked Mikasa out cold.

Bertolt:" Guys, we've got a problem," Bertolt was starting to shake when he looked out the window

Annie:" Did a leaf just blow by the door you pansy."

Bertolt:" Worse!"

SLAM

Everyone scrambled when the door flew open to reveal Captian Levi kicking the door with the same foot he used on Eren. Jean and Connie kept hitting the floor trying to get back up from under the table.

THUD

Jean:" OWW." Jean forgot he was under a table

THUD

Connie:" DAMMIT," So did Connie."

Levi:" The next words out of your shit eating mouths better convince me not to …*sniff* *sniff*," His face puckered as if he sucked on a lemon and a fist full of pennies at the same time. " Who farted?"

Deadpool was the first to point fingers, but it wasn't at Sasha, whose face was buried in her arms cradling everyone's bread roll. It was at Mikasa, still passed out, with her butt in the air. Ymir followed Deadpool's lead and pointed the blame at Mikasa. Annie, who like the rest of the "Aot" team didn't give a fuck, decided to join in. Bertolt copied Annie, Krista copied Ymir, and Riener just pointed at Mikasa to see what's gonna happen next. Either Levi would kick Wade's ass, or just kill everyone, but Deadpool had to get in the last word before the captain started cracking skulls.

Deadpool:" Sir," He was now at attention giving the Military Salute," It was my fault SIR, I wasn't aware that Mikasa never farted in public, apparently she's a private "toot-er."

Annie:" *snort* Heh heh."

Ymir:' PFFTT!" She was back on her back laughing.

Deadpool:" Don't be to hard on her SIR! Women can't fart unless they have an asshole to cling to, right Eren?"

Armin:" *SNORT* HAAA," he tried to stop himself," I'm so sorry Eren, Mikasa, but that was timed perfectly."

Eren:" *facepalm* We're going back to jail aren't we? "

Levi didn't say a word, he didn't have to. He just walked over to Deadpool, still stoic as a pot head, and decided to let Deadpool "tighten the noose" a bit more.

Levi:" Anything else you'd care to report, Trainee?"

Deadpool:" How did you know?," Deadpool slapped his face Home Alone 1 style, open mouth, acting like he was surprised by the captains questions." I do actually, Mikasa picked up an incoming transmission from her Maxi Pad via the fart," Deadpool grabbed a used napkin on the floor and pretended to read it out loud," In fact SIR, I think it mentions you, something about the fart being 'The wind beneath my wings of freedom,' I think the Maxi – Pads legit SIR."

Levi:" ….*chuckle*…hilarious, I've got a better one though," He turned around to address the rest of the squad," Wade has just volunteered to clean this shit storm."

Deadpool:" Shitty fog, but that's just my opinion." Another attempt at the last word"

Levi:" And, he'll be doing it with a tooth brush, you're toothbrushes."

Everyone:" WHAT!"

Levi:" Wade is new here, and what better way to get closer to your teammates than using their tools of hygiene."

Deadpool:*raises hand*

Levi:" Yes?"

Deadpool:" Sir , how will that leave time for me to give a fuck SIR?"

_4 hours Later: Mess Hall_

While the rest of the Squad went to sleep, Deadpool was climbing a ladder to clean the last bit of food that ended up on the ceiling. He looked up and wondered….

Deadpool:" whose toothbrush should I use for this one?"

***Mikasa's***

**(What he said)**

Deadpool:" That's the umpteenth time I've used this thing," He held up the damaged toothbrush in front of his face," Look at this thing."

***Eh, she'll never notice, but if she does, who gives a fuck***

**( Not her , I just Googled "who gives a fuck" and her name didn't pop up)**

Deadpool:" You get Wifi in my head?"

Eris:" Buring the midnight oil I see"

Deadpool:" Huh," The voice was coming from underneath the ladder," ERIS, SUP GIRL?" He jump down to greet his handler.

Eris:" I guess fortune favors the bold," Eris looked different somehow. Usually she'd keep her mist form to be inconspicuous. This time she was dress in a Survey Corp uniform with her luscious black lock tied in a ponytail.

Deadpool:" Really? Was that the plan? Zap me in the gut of a Titan and let the panicked mortals go crazy?"

Eris:" Mmm," Eris hid her hands behind her back, trying to look innocent," That was more of a happy accident. Besides you handled yourself better than before."

Deadpool:" Well obviously since you're here. How much mojo did ya get from that."

Eris:" HAH, I've been sucking this world dry for centuries. Within these walls lies one of the deepest concentrations of fear, emanating copious of amounts of panic and doubt. I take it you've seen the Titans?"

***Sucking the world dry?***

**(Someone get this Goddess some Chap Stick, and mouth please)**

Deadpool:" Just sketches from the Mousy chick," It was time for a break, so Deadpool sat on the floor to rest. A thought poking question popped in his head." Actually that's what I wanted to pick your brain about."

Eris:" You want to know why my sister and I chose this hopeless planet."

Deadpool:" It raises a few questions. What do you expect me to accomplish to here? I haven't even seen what Titans can do, but it's got these people shitting bricks."

Eris:" They may be fighting a hopeless cause, but some are still convinced that their race has a chance at survival."

Deadpool:" Not you though."

Eris:" It wouldn't be in my best interests to lose such a bountiful source of scared mortals, unless something better could be arranged," Eris sat down next to Deadpool,

SQUISH

Eris:" Was that a? ."

Deadpool:" It was bread soaked in that shitty soup."

Eris:" Disgusting," Her butt raised slightly so her hand could move in and remove the spoiled food from her new pants," But let's get to the point, there's a special chapter in the "Winchester Gospel" about the limitless power of the human soul. Certain emotions have the potential to release an infinite amount of that power. Anxiety, depression, shame pity envy ,with the current population within the walls, constantly bleeding these emotions does help, however"

Deadpool:" There's always something better." He couldn't help but finish her thought

Eris:" And I'm pretty sure you know what it is. You felt it when you lost your healing factor. Death told me you had a difficult time coping with it."

Deadpool:" It's not like I had a choice. Distractions keep my thoughts at bay. Re living the shit I've been through without someone to bring me back from reality, I felt…Helpless."

Eris:" Oh Deadpool," Eris cradled Deadpool's maskless head in her arms, letting it settle in her lap. Deadpool just went with it. " Why can't all my agents be like you? Learned helplessness is what drives animals to eat their young, humans on the other hand, experience the chaos in its purest form. It's giving up all hope and allowing discord to complete consume the spirit. I want you to inspire helplessness to these "igits" as you call them."

Deadpool:" One problem though, it's short lived. If they don't off themselves they'll go out in a blaze of false glory."

Eris:" Sadly yes, which Is why you're the only one who can handle this. Instill enough panic to everyone all at once, and it shouldn't take that much time. I'm currently hunting for more agents, but venturing in worlds I have little to no influence takes a lot out of me. Get these humans to shit their pants at the same time, and I can recruit individuals I've been keeping an eye on."

Deadpool:" That sounds peachy keen jelly bean, but I've seen the layout of this place. I've broken through plenty of walls, and as much as I hate admitting this , wouldn't it be easier to get Spider-man for this job?"

***PUH-LEASE. We're talking about a kid who spends all day getting his hands sticky on the web***

**(We're already pros at that)**

Eris:" It's been done before, by my father Erebos."

Deadpool:" Wait, your dad tried to do what?"

Eris:" You should have paid more attention in History Deadpool. "

Deadpool:" And risk my perfect non-attendance record?"

Eris:" Then I guess what I'm about to say is what you'd call a 'Spoiler alert'," Eris lowered her head so Deadpool could get the message straight. It was simple enough to whisper in his ear.

Deadpool:" Could you repeat, I think my brain got nervous and farted."

***LIES!***

**(SHH)**

Eris:" Release…..the Titans."

**Thanks for being patient with me everyone. I know I haven't been writing as much as I usually do, but work is piling up and my semester starts in a week.**

**Keep those reviews and positive vibes coming and I'll get the next chapter submitted with a few days.**

**Thanks for reading ya'll. If anyone has a suggestion where the fith arc should take place, please submit your suggestions in a review. **


	3. Chapter 28: It's a gift or a curse

_Mess Hall_

Deadpool:" Release the titans, why? Was the kraken too busy?"

Eris:" *chuckle* you must think I'm an idiot, you know what I meant."

Deadpool:" Therein lies the problem, I did know and suggested someone else do it, cause I ain't goin duh it." Eris got vexed when Deadpool did a southern redneck accent to decline her plan."

Eris: It's only logical you twit," she pushed Deadpool off her lap and stood up," Humans here are damaged. Titans nearly wiped them out, and just when they think it's safe, Titans come back again and again at random points in time. "

Deadpool:" That's the point," Deadpool had to argue his side since he's starting to believe what Eris said," These folks have taken a beating I wasn't familiar with."

*They built a wall! Titians …BREAK the wall, …..Titans take over…..And they break, the other frikin wall. THAT IS A DICK MOVE!*

(I don't believe it. I mean how can you build 200 foot walls and not have an entire population was Asians? Instead they get the worst of Europe)

Eris:" Exactly, how can you, a man that could be considered a Titan, going to make them feel helpless?"

Deadpool:" I'll paint lady parts on Eren when he goes titan."

Eris:" That will damage them further, but it doesn't involve the act of being eaten alive," Eris considered one detail that Deadpool mentioned," However , " She said weighing her weighing the pros and cons," I have been back here in some time. I just assumed the Titans would eventually eat mankind out o fthe history books, which made me ignore this planet. Then you dropped in, and something changed. Humans with Titan abilities started appearing. There are more people like Eren in the walls, and closer than you think. Once you've gained their trust, convince them to help you"

Deadpool:" Oh yeah, Pffft, just like that, I havn't even seen a Titan yet so shit knows what a Human/Titan will look like. Besides , a few Titans won't ….," Now he was convinced. He unconsciously came up with a plan overflowing with Irony. " Wall Sina….," Deadpool put the pieces of the puzzle together, he just didn't like what the image was," From what Hange told me, the fat cats play monkey in the middle, they haven't even seen a Titan."

Eris:" Go on," She said urging Deadpool to continue, this was his thought process that separated himself from the rest.

Deadpool:" Let's look at it this way," He said while grabbing whatever was in his pocket and pulled a table over.

Eris:" Wonderful, a demonstration," Now she was intrigued. The only real way to read Deadpool's mind is through his behavior, good luck.

Deadpool:" Ok, Say that this," He grabs the pepper shaker," Say that dis here peppershaker, has all the people in Wall Sina, " His other hand grabbed the salt," Dis shit right wigga, dis shit right here wigga, right her dis shit wigga, are ..what ever you call human/Titan hybrids," if it's too much of a hassle to break the wall, then the Titans will have to sneak in wall, " Deadpool opened the top of the pepper shaker and emptied half of it out," But, if we got ourselves a ….," He grabs the first thing avanable, a half-eaten potato," Whatever this represents," Now he poured the salt on the potato, melting it into the starch," We can go in without anyone noticing," To fit his analogy, Deadpool jammed the remains of the potato in the pepper shaker, juices flying everywhere. He did however notice a pattern.

Eris:" Sounds familiar."

Deadpool:" It should , does the Trojan Horse ring any wedding bells."

Eris:" I think its Irony incarnate. Boaster about impenetrable walls, then fall by your own hubris. "

Deadpool:" True enough. Fine I'll do it, but I do it, my way."

Eris:" As it should be, I gave this assignment to you because your morbid imagination could accomplish this."

Deadpool:" I don't plan on enjoying it, but you're right," Deadpool glanced at his scar ridden hands," I'm basically a mosquito compared to Titans. Why would they be scared of me?"

Eris:" Hmm, because you are the puppet master in this world,"

Deadpool:" Great, I'm the Jim Henson and Titans are my Muppets."

Eris:" Just remember," She cusped his head with her hands, looking so deep in his eyes she could see Deadpool's soul," You need to dominate them….earn their trust with fear..not love…I have to go now, but I'll be watching your progress in Tartarus. Before I go," She whipped her arm out, leaving a trial of mist swirling in a vortex, sucking in every piece of clean furniture Deadpool slaved over.

Eris's powers had risen to pure omnipotence. People within the Walls, suffice it to say, are responsible. Every human in this world, Eris thought, cower at the mere utterance of "Titan," and built a rat's nest filled with dirty politians, intolerant zealots, an army weak kneed children, and a metropolis of empty stomachs. Praying for death to fall on every Titan instead of when their next meal will come from. Eventually these feint hearted mortals will kill each other if not from Titans. Deadpool can make any situation go from bad to worse if you pissed him off the right way, however Eris wanted to provide incentive rather than egg him on. Her vortex finally stopped as she ended her demonstration of new found powers.

CRASH

Deadpool:" …..You better pray they got Lemon Pledge up in dis BITCH!"

Eris:" Sorry hun, only one per customer."

Deadpool:" One whHHHHAAWW UTUTUTUTUTUUT?!"

Deadpool chest stuck out as Eris sunk her razor edged fingers inside, allowing her to hold him when she jammed the other arm, still engulfed in her new found powers, do go to work. She clutched Deadpool's head, sending a sizable surge of her magic, funneling through his mind. Her jerked around for a bit, but not before noticing a haze of ash coming out of his mouth.

Eris suddenly vaporized, leaving her stolen scout regiment uniform empty on the floor. He lifted his shirt to see his wounds heal from The Goddess's kung fu grip. What the hell did she do this for , he thought. Kudos on getting some extra pimp juice, but why all the proverbial bells and whistles magic show. Deadpool couldn't have been more conflicted. Especially after hearing what he had planned.

From what he knew about Titans, all they do is kill. Putting civilians in a position of helplessness by Titans will end bloody. He never had to kill anyone before. The worst part, was Eris's plan was unquestionably ambiguous and convoluted, She didn't tell Deadpool that people might die, but she didn't say they wouldn't either. Now he was faced with a decision that could very well change Humanities future. Take the easy way out and have human-titans infiltrate Wall Sina, or do the exact same thing except no one has to die, but it will be dramatically more challenging. What will he decide on?

***Are we really gonna put people through that Shit***

Deadpool:" *Silence*…."

**(Hello?)**

Deadpool:" *Talking inside his head* Fuck no, I just didn't want to say it out loud. My head is like the ball of wires behind the TV Too jumbled to know what goes where, and even if they tried they'd give up. Not even Eris could read me*."

**(Oh, so you have to be hiding from a goddess to come and VISIT?!)**

Deadpool:" * It's not like I have a choice. We need a campfire fire session to figure out a way we can do this. Release the Titans, without anyone ending up on the menu, any questions?"

**(One in particular, if you're in your own head…..who's in the cockpit?)**

Deadpool Personality #1:" Heheh," he couldn't help but laugh and slap his own….. knee?" **You said Co….Dude , did you see that….I just did a knee-slapper….I GOT KNEES BEE-YOOOTCH!**," Shocked by the simple action of pairing a pun with the appropriate body language, he had to find out what happened.

**(Did you just give him the keys to this "hoopty" you call a body?)**

Deadpool:"*FREEZE MISTER.*"!

Deadpool Personality #1:" **AHHH**," Now in complete control of Deadpool's body, Personality #1 who we shall call "idiot numero uno," because his response is different than Deadpool's when it comes to being told to Freeze," I **SWEARS OCIFFER, AIN'T NO BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM, THAT'S MY STICKING AND I'M STORY TO IT!"** His personality's response was getting on his knees. Hard enough to make a thud against the dry wood floor and putting his hands behind his back, hunch over as if accepting an invitation to get some prison grade anal penetration.

_Outside the Mess Hall_

Levi:" Huh," Captain Levi was making his way to the barracks to get Eren and Deadpool, but he heard something coming from the Mess Hall. He groined a bit because he knew who it was. " *sigh* Erwin, " he said to himself," This shithead is making me venture into deep stupidity," Changing his direction, he walked faster to the mess hall to see what Deadpool was up to.

_MESS HALL_

CRASH

The mess hall door burst open, and yet again Captain Levi graces it with his presence.

Levi:" Wade, one spot on this floor and I drag you back to the dungeon….." And there it was, Deadpool's ass, bent over, MLB ( Not Mlp…yet) style if the catcher was looking at his own dick.

Deadpool Personality #1:" All this for one bag of weed….," He looks back to find Levi." HAH , IT'S KRISTEN STEWARD!," He gets up from his 'arrest pose', to run over and actually talk to somebody for the first time. Deadpool figured this phenomenon was temporary and let him have a crack at the half-pint Captain.

Levi:" I have a shit list, you're currently on top." Levi knew this was going to happen. Babysitting Erwin and Hange's new freak was gonna end bloody.

Deadpool Personality #1:" **Dude,"** He stood straight with his palm over Levi's head, then over his own to note the GREAT difference in height. " **I didn't know they stacked bullshit this short. It's like jamming 25lbs of crazy in a 5lb bag**."

Levi:" …." Levi's face didn't change a bit. It was hard to tell if he was getting pissed off or not. One thing for sure, he wasn't gonna give in to Deadpool the satisfaction.

Deadpool Personality #1:" **Don't get me wrong, your hair is straight out of 'Cover Girl', but the bib** ," Deadpool's personality was enjoying having a body. All the better to annoy Levi with he thought when grabbed Levi's Cravat to examine it," **This shit, looks like it came out of 'Ta Da' Magazine**."

**(The Clothing Magazine for Gay Magicians?)**

Levi:" It's called a cravat you uncultured swine," Then it hit him as soon as his eyes saw Deadpool's hands on his clothes," Did not just put your filthy hand on me?"

Deadpool Personality #1**:" So you are a germ-a-phobe. Oh that is too good!**," Personality #1 wasted no time, and started to imitate Levi eccentric behavior. He spotted a rifle and stuck his finger in the barrel, drawing out the burnt gunpowder. Then he wiped it under both of his eyes, grabbed the mop top he was using and put it on his head.

( When did we start doing prop comedy?)

Deadpool:"* The Colossal Dick joke, remember?*"

Deadpool Personality #1:" **Oy…,"** He deepened his voice to imitate Levi**," I'm Levi….Oy….Chsh..Hey you , stop being so tall, Oy..Ch…Oh no..I spilled cleanser on the floor…..I don't know if I should be mad..Oy…Chsh…I make weird sounds…Oy ..Chsh, I might have tourettes..Oy Chsh Oy Chsh Oy Chsh…Kill all Titans….."**

_3 Hours Later_

Deadpool Personality #1:" **Oy…Chsh,"** Still doing his Levi Impersonation." …**I like being short…Chsh… I get to see eye to eye with Hange's Pussy**….."

**(HAAAAAAAH! Why didn't you guys switch before?)**

Deadpool:"* **I DON'T KNOW Pfttttt**," Still lock in his own head laughing like an idiot," **But we need to take this shit on TOUR!*"**

Levi:"…..Are you done?" Three hours of this didn't effect Levi at all. Either he had botox or is immune to bullshit because his face didn't drop a beat. No smile, yet not quite a full frown. Plus he still kept eye contact with the pussy …I mean #1 piloting Deadpool.

Deadpool Personality #1:" Not really. Like a good story, leave the audience wanting more."

Levi:"Hmm, words to live by…that's acceptable," He started walking back towards the exit," Here's a quote you might enjoy," #1 personality was getting creeped out. Did they just have a moment?

Deadppol Personality #1:" Let me guess, "Think Big?"

Levi:" Chsh…

( He does make that sound, even after we called him on it)

Levi:" Sleep is like a unicorn….It's rumored to exist," He grabbed a hankerchief and opened the exit door," but I doubt you'll see it anytime soon."

Chicken:* COCK-A-DOODLE DOO*

The sun was already coming up. Beyond the walls Deadpool could see that annoying ball of cancer producing light. Levi endured all of Deadpool #1 personality's mocking, to extinguish any chance of getting some rest.

Levi:" Time for hell week to begin, any last words ya shitty comic?" Levi was looking outside, anticpatiing how Deadpool would react to training while axhousted. He admitted to himself it was a dick move, but I wasn't gonna cut any slack. It was time for Deadpool to act like the soldier he claimed to be." Oy…any last words?"

Deadpool Personality #1:" ***chuckle* the chicken said cock**."

_ Morning _

The sun was brighter than ever. I guess "god" wants to see Deadpool get his ass handed to him. After he banged his head against the Mens' Barracks quarters, waking their lazy asses bright and early, it was time to train. Thanks to Armin's Idea of a Cumulative Exam, Deadpool was going to be evaluated base on the skills he has now. The first was physical fitness. Deadpool was stretching out his hamstrings, all dressed in his new trainee uniform. The 104th trainee squad, including Levi's and Hange's squad, moved into Castle Utgard, an abandoned castle within Wall Rose. This was a precaution, because as soon as Deadpool's evaluation was over with, hange wanted to show Deadpool the Titans they captured. But first.

Armin:" Determining if you can handle the Omi Directional gear will be first. If you're not coordinated enough to balance your own weight on the harness, then well…." He paused to tilt his head in worry.

Deadpool:" Well , what?," He asked concerned as hell.

Armin:" You might as well quit," Armin held his clipboard with Deadpool's evaluation papers over his face, expecting Deadpool to get pissed, which he did.

Deadpool:" You mean if I can't hang from that sex swing you call training epuipment," He pointed to the Omni Directional Harness set up," I should just pack up and gank myself?"

Armin:" Possibly." He was a little scared after hearing the bass in Deadpool's voice.

Deadpool:" Just like that," He snapped his finger in protest," And I'm gone, you base your whole screening process on a piece of playground equipment?" He said in a high pitched scream

***Don't question greatness***

**(Those things are hard to get out of)**

Armin:" I know now it seems unfair."

Deadpool:" DAMN RIGHT! Do I look like a music box ballerina?"

Even though he was frustrated that such a small task could have a huge impact. But there's no turning back. Mikasa, who recovered from the mess hall incident, helped Deadpool into the harness straps. You could tell she was still pissed, every time she tightened a buckle, she purse her lips and cursed at Deadpool under her breath. All that was left was to pull him up and see how he does. Hange gave Deadpool a thumbs up and worked the crank that lifted Deadpool up in the air.

As expected, he handled it like a boss. The buckles held against Deadpools body pretty tightly, and it was nothing compared to the gear he usually had to drag around. He could feel his center of gravity perfectly while suspended so he wondered what all the fuss was about. Perfectly balanced, relaxed and bored. Deadpool stayed up for 30 seconds before changing it up a bit. While still hanging from the contraption, Deadpool started to talk to Mikasa while still about 10 feet in the air.

Deadpool:" Hey Mikasa," He waved at her, no response. Mikasa just pulled up her red scarf over her face, even though she wasn't facing Deadpool at all." So you're just gonna pout. Be glad I didn't choke a bitch after you tentacle raped my skull with that steampunk grappling hook."

Mikasa:"…," She sniffed her scarf and turned another 90 degrees away from the dangling Deadpool.

Deadpool:" Is that the problem? That scarf?"

Mikasa:" ….*nods yes*…."

Deadpool:" Pfft, and the scarf smells like my fart right? Ok now it makes sense. Just wash the damn thing."

Mikasa:" …..I did….." She had enough of Deadpool for one day. Mikasa started walking back to base.

Deadpool:" And she leaves," He cupped his hands over his mouth , struggle a bit because he had to maintain his balance on the wires," IT WOULDN'T HURT TO SHOVEL THE SAND OUT OF YOUR PANTIES ONCE IN A WHILE!"

Mikasa:" …..," She stopped just as Deadpool finished his quip. Mikasa pulled out one of her Titan Sword blade tips, palming it against her forearm.," KYYYAAA!" She yelled digging her feet in the dry dirt, launching the blade from her hand like a Ninja Frisbee enthusiast. It sliced off one of the suspension wires causing Deadpool to swing into the pole that kept the cage up.

Deadpool:" YEAAAOCH," He screeched , upside down with only one wire left. When he stopped seeing little white dots, Deadpool regained his composure, sort of," GET YO NARROW ASS BACK HERE BEFORE I BEAT THE DOG SHIT OUT…"

CRASH

The rest of the suspension cage fell right on top of Deadpool. The beams fell under Deadpool's weight, trapping him under in the dirt currently kicking up in his lungs. He missed his mask so much. Mikasa , satisfied with what she considered "holding back," headed back to her barracks in case Eren wanted to see her.

Deadpool:" *Cough* *cough* GAH BLAH , HORSE SHIT IN THE DIRT *Cough*"

Armin:" MIKASA!" Armin, being the only sane one here, chased after Mikasa, Leaving Hange to get Deadpool out from under the broken beams and wire.

Hange:" Yoo hoo, hey Wade, are you pain?"

Deadpool:" *Cough* Bitch! I just broke my coccyx, WHAT CHU TINK?!"

***HAH! He said …***

**(NO! Coccyx , are the bones in your butt)**

***OUR COCCYX SHOT THROUGH OUR BUTT? AH HELL NO!***

Hange:" Well, I originally theorized in my summation on Titan anatomy about pain receptors, so I thought …"

Deadpool:" It was rhetorical and no I'm not in the sample giving mood, now can ya help a brotha out, Mikasa about ta get a fist full of chicken bouillon cube in her shower head. Then maybe Eren would touch the bitch if she reeked of chicken tikka."

Hange:" I wouldn't do that, HNNNMMM," She dug her boots against a couple of large rocks and grabbed one of the beams. She started to pull using her legs to support herself." Besides…HMMMM …Armin told me what you did last night, HMMMM," She pulled one off and moved on to the next beam.

Deadpool:" Not my problem, that soup and potato bread felt like lead in my gut."

Hange:" HMMMNN," Hange started on the next," I Know right? HMMMMNNN *heavy breathing* But to you went too with the scarf, *Grunt* HMMMMM speaking of frikin lead," Complaining through her teeth and biting her lip.

Deadpool:" It's a SCARF, not her V-card! CRY ME A FRKIN RIVER AND DROWN!"

Jean:" Eren gave her that scarf," Jean was leaning against his horse after riding in training area for an update. He was getting off his horse when he saw Mikasa running back to base. Despite Deadpool's "charm" last night, Jean needed to fill him in about his team since he'll eventually be working with Eren and Captain Levi. He Didn't want anything to happen to Eren, for Mikasa's sake, so the better his transition the better prepared his chance of survival.

Deadpool:" Huh," Deadpool managed to see Jean hovering over him through the rubble," Jean….I'm in no mood for a background story, my empathy has left the building."

Jean:" You need to hear this," He saquated down to look Deadpool in the eye," Mikasa watched her parents get killed by her kidnappers when she was little. Eren, like the idiot he still is, decides to gut two of the kidnappers and Mikasa shoving the same knife in back of the last one before he choked Eren to death. Eren's family adopted her, and Eren gave her his scarf to keep her warm," He took a deep breath before continuing," She clings to it like a child with a stuffed bear, but it brings her comfort every time she smells it, even though I think."

Deadpool:" Wait a minute, you're not just gonna speed past that sniff quirk without details."

Jean:" Uh," He paused for a second," Honestly, as much as I hate to admit it, I think she's cross with you because the scarf doesn't smell like Eren anymore."

Hange:" HMMMMNNN*GASP*," She made her way towards Jean after removing the last beam.," Thanks for the , Dick," She snuck behind Jean while he was still squatting , mainly to kick him in the junk for not helping with the beams.

CRUNCH

Hange:" There's Wade's Apditute Results, a smashing success, relay that to the small-ass Captain."

Jean:" *COUGH* Yes Sir," Deadpool managed to unbuckle his straps and move the metal wire, standing over Jean, doubled over in pain on a fetal position.

**(Well that escalated quickly)**

***Totes* **

Deadpool:" Ya ok there dude?," Looks at Hange stomping her way back to her office tent she set up for Deadpool's Aptitude exams." I think she had on steal toes, too."

Jean:" GEE, YA THINK?," he brought his head up to stare Deadpool down with blood shot eyes and contorting his face in pain," Can you wrap ice in a towel and bring over?"

Deadpool:" Hmm, I'll do us both a solid,how bout I "wrap" the ice in some booze "wrapped" in a glass with a sippy straw?"

**(Perfect, we won't have to apply it to the "effected area")**

***And he gets a good buzz***

Jean:" That," He was a little shocked, but happy Deadpool was willing to go that far," would actually help…thank you."

Deadpool:" No worries, I ain't gonna lie, but I've taken it in the pills a few times myself. My healing fa…Titan power thingy," He corrected himself before giving away his secret,"…um yeah, if a bitch puts a beatin on your "stepchildren" every other week and you don't have Titan healing, let's just say I've seen dudes who end up liking that shit, don't go the way of the masochist."

Jean:" Umm, and I don't want to be a masochist…..right?," He naively asked.

Deadpool:" *sigh* I'll be back with your beer," His next stop was the mess hall kitchen, so he ran back instead of reporting back to Hange for his next exam. However, he backed peddled mid sprint , catching himself with an idea.

**(Let me take over for a second)**

Deadpool:" Whoah, last time I did that, Levi ended up getting roasted, which was hilarious by the way."

*******Thank you , my motto is " dress for the job you want, not for the one you have"***

**(I mean I can mitigate the situation with Mikasa, trust me, she's short fuse in a powder keg of abs. don't let her blow you ,…er um, blow up on you)**

Deadpool:" *groan*," Deadpool started thinking , putting his hands behind his head," True dat, *sigh* we pissed off the only in this mad house, and just so happens to be the last frikin Ninja , aint dat a bicth. Ok….., why not…..I'll take a nap in the meantime."

Deadpool closed his eyes and tried to remember how he did that little trick. He face was flushed, applying more pressure to his head, then it clicked. Personilty #2 is now in full control of Deadpool's body. He spotted Armin leaving the women's barracks, after what Deadpool assumed was a failed attempt at comforting Mikasa.

Personality #2 Deadpool:"** HEY, Armin "Life Alert," I need a favor**."

Armin:" Huh, what kind of favor?" He stood on the barracks steps looking at Deadpool very questionably, what is he up to?"

Personality #2 Deadpool:" *whispering* **just get your mitts on Mikasa's scarf and meet me in Hange's Tent in like 5 minutes."**

Armin:" I'm not about to hand over…" he was interrupted

Personality #2 Deadpool**:" Dammit man, I'm trying to break some potato bread between us, get her scarf and trust me , she'll be back to protecting both you and Eren's bony butts**."

Armin:" Well….," He looked back at the door, thinking about Mikasa and how everything with Eren's Titan Powers, the attack on Trost, and everything with Deadpool must be getting to her." Fine, 5 minutes."

Personality #2 Deadpool:" **Excellent, where's Eren**?"

Armin:" He should be training with Reiner and Annie ," He pointed to the are enclosed in fences they use for martial arts training.

Personality #2 Deadpool:" **5 minutes, see ya in a few Pimpin**." He said before he went back to sprinting where Eren is training. Mending fences was a time issue here.

Armin:" Pimpin, ?"

_Martial Arts Trianing Circles: 3 minutes to go_

Reiner:" WHOAH!," Reiner squaled a bit as Annie kick, tripped and flipped his whole body, making him fall flat on his back, legs over his head." JEEZ ANNIE, you hold back on Armin, but you'll be happy to give me a concussion?"

Annie:" If you prefer I can go easy on you," She flicked her bangs back with her hand," or I can teach this technique to everyone else, leaving you to be our punching bag."

Reiner:" *Grrrr* Demon women!"

Eren:" What part of the Wall are you guys from, south central?"

Personality #2 Deadpool:" **EREN!."** Deadpool's #2 personality is running across the dirt field like a gigolo runnnin out yo house cause daddy came own early.

Eren:" Wade? Did you finish your exam?"

Personality #2 Deadpool:" ***heavy breath* Do …*huff*you *puff* to trust me."**

Eren:" Umm." Eren trusted Deadpool enough to help him with his "titan" powers, but what was he up to this time." ….Not enough to …..."

Personality #2 Deadpool**:" LOOK**," He shrieks while pointing at…the ground 10 feet in from on him, near where Bertolt, Reiner and Anne were standing," **A TITAN, HE GOIN TA EAT ALL D's PEOPLE IN A BOWL OF COLOSSAL CRUNCH, JESUS DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BREAKFAST!."**

Bertolt:" (/0.0/)," This innocent teenagers face contorted , trying to hod something back, that he's keot in the back of his head. Reiner and Anne felt the same way, they just control their emotions when they're trying to come out.

Eren, however, was oblivious to his comrades response at Deadpool's accusation, and rather than think about what he just said. Eren turned his head, all wide eyed like a sinner during the rapture, to try and find a Titan, small enough for him to tilt his head down and everyone's feet. ….think about that for a second people. Then a karate chop connected with the back of Eren's head, comepletly blacking out the kid. He picks him up and throws Eren over his right shoulder, making quick haste to to meet up with Armin. On the way over…he had a thought.

Personality #2 Deadpool:" **Eren? Are you awake**?" He looked over to the side to see Eren still unconscious. "** Do you remember when your worst fear was closet monsters, remember how you seduced your step-sister into being obsessed her brother with your nasty Scarf of Perversion, remember how your eyes went straight for the dirt after hearing the word Titan, when you know damn well a midget Titan is more than 5 meters?….Pepperidge Farms Remembers…..and know so do we." **Armin waved down Deadpool from the stairs of the men's barracks as he carried Eren post haste. After explaining why he had to knock him out, Armin grabbed Eren by the legs and both of them tossed him in his bed.

Personality #2 Deadpool:" **Did you bring the scarf**?"

Armin:" yeah*whispering* but you haven't told me why I had to steal it from Mikasa, what do you plan to do with it?"

Personality #2 Deadpool**:" Oh no nononono**, ' There was some miscommunication," **Not me you**."

Armin:" What?" Armin looked spooked, what did Deadpool plan for him.

Personality #2 Deadpool:"** In case you couldn't tell , I am old enough to be Eren's attractive cousin. You **," he points at Armin in his face, causing him to fall on Jeans bed," **However…**

Deadpool:" *Still inside his head after a nap*( Let me take over brotha, I know exactly how to bend this little twirp)"

***Good , he hadn't figured that part out yet***

**(At least I was improvising)**

***HEY, YOU'RE BACK!***

Deadpool: Deadpool , the host personality took over his body once more and was about to ask Armin for a Dark favor. " Okay Pimpin, le daddy holla at ya," Deadpool's voice deepened but at the same time was pitched, mlost like a pimp," You want daddy, ta help Eren control his Titan powers , now daddy can do dis all day , every day, no problem….., but dat mean I got's ta crack dem books, learnin bout Titans, now daddy can do dis all day , every day, no problem….., but Mikasa will keep on pushin and pushin until one of us is dead, now daddy can do dis all day, every day, no problem," He hands back the scarf to Armin," OR, you can shove this down Eren's pants, let is marinate , get Eren's sweat all in da crevasses , fish it out, and return it to little Mikasa. Then we'd be all squared away, and we can get back to business , startin da revolution."

Armin:"…*silence*…,"small price to pay , he thought *chuckle* small price" ..And all I have to do is stick this in his pants?"

Deadpool:" YES!WAY TA MAKE A PIMP DECISION"

_10 Minutes Later_

Deadpool:" Knock knock," Deadpool opened the door to the womens barracks, and saw Mikasa face deep in her pillow on her bed," *sigh* Look , I'm not saying that I hate you," He walks in closing the door behind him," But if you were hit by a horse drawn carriage, I'd be the driver , using the carriage I stole from you, but I digress," Deadpool reaches in his khaki side pocket to pull out Mikasa's scarf and toss it on top of her head," Fresh from the oven!"

Mikasa:" huh," Her head popped up like a ground hog looking at its shadow, she snatched up the scarf, face deep yet again, and took a deep breath," Wh wh wh where did you…"?

Deadpool:" Eeyup, straight from the source. I may hate yo guts, but , I will help Eren, deal with this Titan shit. What I need you to do is stay focused, and tell me when you see anything or anyone suspicious hanging around Eren. We in this together, and I'm not fittin to be a government puppet."

Mikasa:" ….Death has a cruel sense of humor, killing everyone I care about just when things become peaceful. I thought you might be a threat to Eren, having Titan powers as well."

Deadpool:" Uh, yeah…..dem fire and dem roids."

Mikasa:" Dem, what? What region is that accent from?"

Deadppol:" Whoop," Checks his wrist," Look at the time, little hand is on 'fuck' and the big ol hand is on 'off', we gots a busy week cause you my senpai,"

Mikasa:" Wait…I'm still adamant about this arrangement…."

Deadpool:" Then how about I put a cherry on top?," Deadpool turned around to go to the mess hall to establish an alibi," I put Eren in a sleeper hold, his is unconscious , vulnerable body will be by itself in his bed, for the next 10 mintues….and I'll just tell everyone, you guys weren't hungry and overslept….deal?"

Mikasa:" ….Deal."

Deadpool:" PIMP DECISION!"

_5 mintues later-Mess Hall_

Deadpool:" What's up Jean, " Deadpool joined the rest of the Scout Regiment and the 104th squad in the mess hall. He sat next to Jean, who looked like he was in serious pain, holding a bag of ice on his taint," Ouch, that bad huh."

Jean:" *nod*," Jean takes the ice pack off , letting out a breath of relaxation after the heat went back to his pelvic regian.

Deadpool:" Even though it WAS your fault."

Jean:" How is it my fault?"

Deadpool:" *sigh* how should I exlain it," His traced his jaw line with his hand , thinking about much of Jeans self-esteem he wanted breathing."

Jean:" Is this this one of your Pimp analogies? Armin told us you nick named him 'Pimpin?'

Deadpool:" Yes, and yes, he makes Pimp decisions."

Jean:" And I don't? I chose to tell you about Mikasa's past."

Deadpool:" For Mikasa's sake? She's a Pimp cause she makes pimp decisions, and got you to be her bitch, you did that for your pimp so go ahead and tell me you're not a bitch."

Jean:" You think I'm Mikasa's ….bitch," Thoughts were going through young Jean's head, nasty thoughts, dirty thoughts, with hot candle wax.

Deadpool:" In life, you are either a Pimp, or a Bitch, Pimps don't make excuses and Pimps know when to smack a Bitch, Hange kicked your ass for not acknowledging her as a Captain AKA Pimp, you disrespected your Pimp so she put the smack down on you."

Jean:" Despite your, THAT'S REALLY COLD," He put the ice pack back on his lap." Usual bullshit, that actual makes sense...I guess that's why Armin actually looked so frigin happy."

Levi:" Jean, don't talk to him, you might catch its stupid." Levi walked over to Deadpool's table," Thanks for the update," His beady eyes glared a confused Deadpool, " I guess that this means you're ready for the real training?"

Deadpool:" Totes," He responded," 7 days to complete Armin's training thingy, easy peasy gurantee-sy."

Levi:" Easy? Peasy?," Levi's headache felt worse as he face palmed his head, " Just get your shit go meet Hange."

Deadpool:" No breakfast?," He said in a dissipated child's voice.

Levi:" *sigh* Fine, 10 minutes than get your ass in gear. In three weeks we leave the walls for an expedition, one that involves both you and Eren."

Everyone kept still as Levi exited the Mell Hall. Deadpool was the only person in this squad, able to talk to Levi so casually, as if they stared in a buddy cop film. Deadpool went back to his questionable breakfast when a couple of trays showed up across.

Ymir:" How's it hanging Wade?" Ymir slammed her tray of eggs on the table.

Deadpool:" Better than Jean's," Deadpool's thumb pointed at the suffering teen with an ice pack.

Jean:" Shut up," He grabbed his tray..and his Ice pack to move to a new table.

Ymir:" Pfft, what's wrong with him?Did his mom forget to pack him a fresh pair of panties?" Ymir said with a hint of condescension.

Deadpool:" NICE," Deadpool raised his hand up to high five Ymir.

Ymir:" Booya," she reciprocated and high fived Deadpool

Slap

Krista:" Ymir!," She said very 'angry mother' like. " Jean is the only one in this squad with a healthy family relationship," She set her tray down on the table. " Honestly I'm envious."

Ymir:" Ahhhh,"She squealed in delight, " You are the only girl here who can straighten me out…..well maybe my attitude, come here you." Ymir embraced Kirsta in a traditional hug, making little kiss sounds just to annoy her. Deadpool was enjoying the show, dropping his fork and focusing his attention on Kirsta trying to push Ymir off of her. However, Ymir saw that Deadpool was looking at both of them with perverted eyes.

Ymir:" What? You got a problem with this?"

***Rip her clothes off!***

**(KISS HER!)**

Deadpool:" Me? Have a Problem? Why does everyone think I'm homophobic?"

***Dude, when have we ever marched in a gay pride parade***

**(Not even real homosexual couples attend those parades)**

Krista:" We're not," Ymir covered Krista's mouth with her hand

Ymir:" It's ok baby, we can be free here," Even though she was just messing with Krista.

Deadpool:" Ladies, I've already had this conversation with Jesus."

***Jesus, you mean HEH-ZUES? The gardener?***

**(Don't be so stereotypical…we met him at Home Depot.)**

Deadpool:" Anyway, I'm not homophobic, I am 'Pro-Pussy' there's a difference."

Ymir:" HAHH, Pro pussy, I like that, Ya hear that Krista?" 

Deadpool:" In fact, let me make a little toast." Deadpool stood up to address the entire 104th squad and the cadets in the mess hall.," MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE." Ever since the 'fart' incident, Deadpool has become sort of a local legend. The soldiers couldn't wait to hear what Deadpool was gonna do next.

Krista:" wade," she whispered," don't encourage her," again, she was held back by Ymir so Deadpool could speak uninterrupted.

Deadpool:" LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MAY WE ALL EAT PUSSY TONIGHT!"

_3 weeks from the present_

Deadpool:" NEXT!" Deadpool Yelled

?:" Huh..oh right….I guess I'm next,"

Yet again, another trainging session for Deadpool's private army. The suspension cage test, was administered to 24 other recruits have demonstrated to Deadpool, that they are more than ready to begin training with the omni-directional gear…1 more to go.

Deadpool:" Wait," Deadpool stopped the soldier , to sniff him," Are you drunk?"

?:" Uhh, not yet…..almost…..but not quite inebriated,"

Deadpool:" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SOLDIER?"

?:" Apologies commander," Deadpool's recruit bowed in respect," I did not mean to tarnish the good name of …..of …of…."

Deadpool:" AHHHHH," HE yelled in frustration," Does anybody have booze on them….preferably RUM?!"

Silence

Deadpool:" Sorry Jack, you're flying this training session sober."

Jack Sparrow:" ….Oh bugger."

***The rest of the bunch, I can understand why she picked them, but this dude?* **


	4. Chapter 29: Weasel your way to freedom!

HEYOH! It's been a while. Sorry I haven't been posting anything lately. School is a bitch and I'm making up for work I missed while visiting family. I'll tell you this though, I have been writing down where I'm taking this story and I can't wait to write.

As far as people suggestions to where Deadpool should go in the next arc, we have Spyro the Dragon series, and the Supernatural Series. Keep sending them in and I'll have a better grasp on the how to start the next part in this series. Next chapter will delve deeper in the army Deadpool will end up making. Get ready to laugh, cry, and leak out of every orifice in your body.

DPiddy8256

_Day 1_

Monday 6:00 AM

1st day of training. Within a week, Deadpool had to prove he was indispensable and vital to humanities survival. Armin and Commander Smith knew it was a long shot, but managed to sway favor with Darius Zackly, the judge residing Eren Yeager's Court-Marshal. Darius admired Armin's loyalty to his friends. He wasn't selfish at all, because he'd rather die than to see his only family, get devoured by Titans. Commander Smith couldn't tell if Armin was developing into the perfect soldier, or the perfect martyr. However, the irony is delicious. Imagine Armin, the perfect candidate for high ranking elitist pig monkeys like the Military Police in wall Sina, yet he landed in this rag tag group of wired fanatics? Regardless, Commander Smith prayed silently and hoped Wade was taking this seriously.

Armin Arlert Intensive training regimen Day 1: Strength and Conditioning.

Objective: Assess Cadet Wilson's Physical Limitations

Deadpool: " *heavy breathing* SEROUSLY! ….*Huff* EAT SHIT ….KILL YOURSELF!…" he squeled hoisting 280lbs of steel plates.

Ymir: she hovered over him, " Don't be such a girl and man up!"

Deadpool: " HMMMF,"he paused to adjust the bar.

As per Armin's instructions, training at the Cadet Athletic Center would determine Deadpool's strength based how much weight he could handle. Deadpool had to squeeze 3 years of hardcore muscle conditioning in one week. Results would determine the next course of action. So, creating a realible and valid scoring system sounds like an Armin Alert wet dream.

Everyone knew Armin could drop the I.Q. points of every Cadet and Officer in the weight room. Books flexed his brain, not his biceps. What did he know about muscle. Armin needed an expert, but Mikasa was busy, Reiner was with Bertolt and Annie, Connie left with Captian Levi, and Hange managed to drag Eren to something involving a "Sunny Beam" or "bean."? Anyway, Ymir volunteered Krista.

Ymir: pulls out a stop watch: " 1 more rep," she moved closer to Deadpools ear as he struggled keeping up the bar above his chest, " get it up, and I'll kiss Krista for 30 seconds." She whispered.

***GET IT! PUSH IT!, GET IT UP!**

**(Literally…..don't out a boner in the gym)**

Krista:*sigh* Ignore Ymir Wade, YOU CAN DO IT!," She yelled throwing her fist in the air.

Deadpool: *GRUNT* GAAAAH!," Deadpool managed summon enough strength with the powr of Krista's adorable attempt at psyching him up. Triceps and dignity be damned, with one loud grunt his arms shot up from the weight bench. He locked his arms out, Ymir stopped her watch, and Krista puled the bar back, locking it in place so it wouldn't fall on Deadpool's chest.

Deadpool: " YES, WHO OWNS DIS BITCH?!," Adrenaline was a pumpin and Deadpool a twerking. He jump on the bench to grind the weight bar in between his legs. Krista backed away embarrassed while Ymir gave Deadpool a Cat Call whistle.

Armin: " WHAT THE HELL AREYOU DOING?!," Armin squawked when he saw Deadpool violating the bench press bar.

Deadpool: *gasp* " Uh oh," he knew who was behind him!

***Our pimp caught us working the pole!***

**( No homo.) **

Armin: " Ymir, you had one job…!"

Ymir: " Armin, we're done," she made her way around Deadpool to hand Armin his results," Wade just finished, gnawing ankles with Captain Levi."

Armin: he grabs a clipboard from Ymir. " This can't be right." Armin scans each page like a flip book.

Krista:" Umm, that was my fault. Wade said I shouldn't write the weight in kilograms."

Armin:" What good would that do?"

Ymir:" Yeah Wade, tell us your brilliant Armin trumping plan."

Deadpool: " I was doing you a favor." Deadpool hops off the bench to elaborate. " Imagine this Pimpin," Armin's new name" My results look hella better in pounds than kilograms. Take those to Captain Levi 'Von Cuntess' , he skips to whoever's in charge of this suicide squad, first thing they see BAM! Big Numbers, in large amounts, where it counts. They'll be begging to keep me around. I mean I'm full of awesome sauce, but think of it as an insurance policy in case I can't help Eren."

Armin:" ….," Without missing a beat, Armin gave Deadpool the 'NI* A , IS YOU STUPID!' stare and walked out knowing all he did was make life harder for him.

SLAM

Deadpool:" Jeez, excuse me for showing initiative," Deadpool heads back to…..," WHAT?! Pimpin, I just saw you leave throwing a hissy fit?"

Krista:" Wha….?,"She was a little insulted.

Deadpool:" See , now you know how it feels," Deadpool joked, if only to catch both ladies off guard"Oh and while we're on the subject, why do you guys think I'm a Titan? "

Krista: taking a good look at Deadpool scar tissue. " Didn't Captain Hange debrief you after Eren trial?," She assumed Deadpool knew what a Titan was, but even Wall Sina nobility have seen pictures.

***Uh Yeah!***

**(Actually we did the "de-briefing")**

Deadpool:" She said I had," He paused, still unsure of what an average Titan looks like. " certain charactertics that Titans display, yet Eren seems to be the kid with the golden nuts." He remembered his mission, sliding Titans in the conversation.

Ymir:" Eren is a special case," She took over the conversation," If you ask me, the Garrison had no clue about him." She candidly mentioned.

Deadpool:" Hmm, So there could be others like him…er um..us?." He caught himself as he asked.

Ymir:" I doubt it. Even if there were, they wouldn't that stupid."

Deadpool:" uh huh, thanks, you're a walking spoiler darlin'"

_Day 2_

Armin Arlert Intensive training regimen Day 2: Combat Skills

Objective: Evaluate Cadet Wilson's current knowledge of hand to hand combat.

Deadpool:" UNCLE!." He cried out in pain.

Annie: " If you're going to play soldier," She mentioned , keeping Deadpool in a full nelson in the Combat Training are. " Focus on your target."

Deadpool: " No shit blue eyes!"Annie let him go." PHEW, *Spit* I just made out with the ground, and I was focused FYI." He said wiping off his lips before getting back up.

Annie:" Let's make this clear, I'm teaching you out of respect to Armin."

Deadpool:" Wrong, YOU." His voice went up," Are here to tell Armin about MY skills."

Annie:" This is the 20th time your 'skills' have failed you."

Deadpool:" Oh I doubt that. See I couldn't kick your ass, because I was focused on getting these." Deadpool pulls out a pair of white cotton panties. He held them in front of Annie.

Annie:" You were focused on the underwear in your pocket? Pervert."

Deadpool:" Nope, just yours!"

It was hard to read Annie's face. Reiner was the only one to make her mad enough to raise an eyebrow. This time was different. Annie assumed he was a pervert with a panty fetish, which is not far off. Turns out Deadpool managed to slip off Annie's panties without remving any of her clothing.

Annie:" …," Her face was red with embarrassment, but just in case, she patted herself around her body. " When did …..How…YOU JERK!"

Deadpool:" Who's the idiot now bitch?"

ANNIE KICK!?

WHACK

Deadpool:" *cough*," Annie's kicked caused Deadpool to bend over." Touche Blue Eyes. Ya bitch!"

_Day 3_

Armin Arlert Intensive training regimen Day 3: Fire Arms

Objective: Determine Cadet Wilsons knowledge of fire arms.

Armin asked Sasha and Connie to help set up the firing range for Deadpool. They weren't exactly thrilled. The night before, they attended the funeral service for the Survey members who gave their lives in the battle over Trost. Bodies were stacked tall enough to reach a Titans mouth. No words of comfort were given, and families wept when Captain Levi gave them the terrible news. Sons, Daughters, soon to be fathers, and mothers with a whole litter of kids. What made Sasha cry her little heart out, was when they set the bodies ablaze, turning them into bonfire of regret, knowing that this was her fate as well/ They died so the scared sheep and rich nobles could get fatter Connie thought.

Sasha:" How could you say something like that!?" She yelled accusingly while stacking sandbags. " You must really be stupid."

Conny:" You don't need brains to see that." He responded.

Sasha:" You're starting to sound like Jean."

Conny:" AM NOT, am just starting to see the big picture."

Deadpool:" HEY!"

Sasha waved Deadpool over. He was amped up when he saw the cruelly made firing range. Sandbags were stacked

*SYMBOLYISM ALERT*

Writer:" You asshole!"

( Spoiler alert, we don't care)

As I was SAYING! The sandbags were cover with some bed sheets and a few targets made from bed sheets.

Sashaa:" WADE," She got his attention," Were setting you up by the table. Pick your poison and we'll meet you there."

Deadpool:" Oh boy oh boy!" He lost his smile after looking at his options. " …..is this a joke, Flint lock?" He held up one of the pistols.

Conny: " What else is there? Guns can't kill Titans."

***What happened to our guns?***

**( Confiscated. Most likely damaged )**

Deadpool:" So why the hell am I doing this?"

Sasha:" Good question," she stopped stacking the sandbags, contemplating what her life as a member of the Scout Regiment meant.

Deadpool: " Whoah, you ok Potato wedge," His concern came with his new nickname for Sasha.

Sasha:" I'm fine," She continued her work. Any reason to distract me she thought.

Deadpool:" …..Are you?," he sarcastically asked before grabbing two pistols.

BANG BANG

Connie:" AAAAH!"

Sasha:" STOP!"

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Sasha and Conny dropped their sandbags to dodge the array of bullets being shot at them. Deadpool went from pistol to pistol. Instead of taking 30 seconds to reload it with gunpowder, he just fired them all. Eventually he emptied all preloaded pistols from the table. He brushed away some of the smoke to see if he hit his target.

Deadpool:" Hey guys, ya dead yet? "

***We've been over this***

**( Dead people don't talk )**

Deadpool:" Bull shit, what about Achmed The Dead Terrorist?"

***One, he's a puppet***

**(Two, he's talking out of his ass, literally)**

Sasha:" You PSCYHO!." Deadpool stopped daydreaming and saw that both Conny and Sasha were still alive, covered in sand from the bags.

Deadpool: " Oh good, I missed. And I can see someone got his priorities in order."

Sasha:" Who what." She was shocked but got her answer. She opened her eyes to see Conny standing in front of her. He was just as surprised.

Deadpool: " That's the thing about Flint Locks. Worst , Accuracy, EVER!." He said imitating the comic book guy from The Simpsons.

**(Stop reading books, watch more TV)**

***A Public service announcement from Deadpool's Head***

Sasha:" Connie…you…?" she blushed

Conny: he holds his breath in shock and checked himself for bullet holes. " I'm ok."

Deadpool: " Duh, I was totally aiming at both of you and look what happened. That's why I hate using these fucking pirate pistols. Make me second guess my accuracy," Deadpool explained himself as he walked over to the sandbag wall. " But hey, getting a bullet from me, not the most popular way to die, still better than being some Titan's luncheon meat."

Conny:" Who said I wanted to die?"

Deadpool:" Both of you are bitching about dead soldiers, are you fucking serious! How do you think I feel. It was either the chopping block or join you schmucks, and so far it's been the shit! Now cutting my head off sounds better every time I hear one of you pussies complain. You know when it's ok to cry and bitch, when you're knee deep in Titan stomach fluid because the fucker bit off your shins."

Conny:" ….was this supposed be some team building exercise?"

Deadpool: " And they call ME stupid." He shook his head in disappointment.

_Day 4_

Armin Arlert Intensive training regimen Day 4: Survival

Objective: Survival under strenuous conditions.

Bertolt: …," The young cadet stayed ever vigilante, studying his enemy with keen senses and a rapist's tunnel vision.

Reiner:…." Unsure of his best friends ability to perform under duress, Reiner matched Bertolt's concentration , relying on adrenaline for energy after eating the last of his rations.

Deadpool:…." Pressure was starting to build, Deadpool couldn't figure out what to get Armin for his birthday, which happened over a week ago.

***Continuity Alert We're back Fan Fic Addicts!***

**(Happy belated birthday Pimpin.)**

All:" SHOOOOT!"

Deadpool:" YES, PAPER BEATS ROCK !"

Bertolt:" Damn it!"

Reiner:" Son of a BITCH!"

Deadpool:" Sorry guys, we had a deal. Tell Pimpin I kicked you're asses up and down this bitch. Make me look good, Kay?"

Bertolt: " Best 23 out of 45?" He pleaded.

Deadpool:" Nuuuuuooooppee!." Deadpool lit a match in a garbage bucket, burning a certain pair of panties.

Bertolt: " Wait….you weren't gonna keep them?"

Deadpool: " EWWWW, Dude she's like what 16?," He shook his head in disgust." I got them just to weasel my way through this bull crap Pimpin signed me up for. Come on, Bert you've been staring at that bitches ass like a dog in heat since I got here. Panties plus Bert equals good grade on report my report card. Ernie back me up on this one would you?" Nicknames we're hidden as Deadpool spoke.

_Day 5 Wall Sina: Capital Mithras_

Loyalty and service to the Garrison or Military Police Regiment earns you a spot in Wall Sina, the innermost wall. Both Regiments Headquarters are within these walls to better serve the King. Joining the Military can turn poppers to princes in 3 years, if one were so selfishly inclined to do such a thing. This guarantees that you will live comfortably and never have to see a Titan. What the hell the was the commander of the Scout Regiment doing there.

Commander Smith: " This is not up for discussion. I'm not sacrificing two cadets that could turn the tables in humanities favor."

? ?:" Need I remind you, the only reason we allowed those boys to breath is by decree of the Kings undying love for his people. He wants results and all you've given us is excuses. Cadet Yeager and Wilson will be ready for the expedition by the end of the week."

Commander Smith:" Respectfully Sir, we commissioned for at least two weeks of training for Cadet Wilson. The man is suffering from amnesia and we don't even know if he's ever seen Omni Directional technology." He grew concerned for his ace in the holes, so to speak.

? ?: " Amnesia? That's funny. I can assure you, he is more than capable of handling himself. From Armin's reports his results would indicate otherwise Commander Smith. We'll provide the necessary funds to station the regiment in whatever district you see fit. Just do your part and it'll work out in the end."

Commander Smith: " Very well….I'll have Commander Levi accompany Mikasa to train Cadet Wilson, just remember what the king promised me when this go's through."

? ?:" Rest assured, the King understands your blight more than you know."

_Day 5 Two days from The Expedition_

Hange was on cloud 9 when Levi sent her the bump in their budget. This was to fund the expedition. This meant she could actually commission any amount of equipment she needed without being laughed at. More importantly, Hange wanted to get "the family together." She sent Levi to pick up; Eren, Armin, and Deadpool, to come to her command post to meet Sonny and Bean.

Levi wasn't that eager. Erwin dropped the bomb when he told Levi about bumping up the expedition date. To calm his nerves, he told Commander Smith to at least send him in the cleanest horse drawn carriage carriage to go see Hange. He got what he asked for, plus a small luncheon for the trip.

Deadpool: *munch munch munch* "HO WI SDIT DATS DEWISHOUS!," translation: holy shit that's delicious. Deadpool had to give props to Levi. Along with Armin and Eren, both with the same childish eating habits as Deadpool, they drove through the streets of the Trost District. Hange set up her command post to survey anything that might happen between them and the Titan captives.

Levi: he tried his best to look away. " All three of you are disgusting!."

Eren:" Captain, wasn't this what you asked for?"

Levi: " I was against this from the beginning. This is the lesser of two evils." He stared at the people they were passing by, slowly sipping his tea.

Deadpool:*GULP* Lighten up, this is just the government's way to show their appreciation. Ask for a gun, they give an army. Kill a handful of civilians can get you a medal of honor. And in your case, swanky carriage complete with," He holds up his silver tray of various spreads, meats and toppings. " Hunks of meats, cheeses, and artery clogging goodness, ain't that right Pimpin?"

Armin:*munch munch munch Gulp* Huh?" He thought he heard his name.

Levi:" Tch, the Government doesn't give a shit about the Survey Corp. To them we're just a target for Titan propaganda. Sure, they'll support us when they need a scape goat. But things start tasting bitter sweet when they start kissing our asses."

Deadpool:" …..Ah FUCK YOU," He throws his colossal sandwich out the window. " Now I lost my appetite knowing I'm eating Government cheese. Thanks for ruining meat for everyone."

Eren: "Uhhhm," He noticed Captain Levi giving him the Death Glare.

Armin: "heh, honestly*gulp*, I was worried the Military Police would confiscate you two as soon as we arrived. Frankly I'm surprised they've been so complacent with us up until this point. I just hope Captain Hange doesn't lose focus."

Levi: " Armin? It's bad enough that you're in denial about the politics here, but don't confuse denial with ignorance." he finishes the last drop of tea, setting the cup down on a saucer. " The kings constituents are looking for any reason to get rid of us. It'll only make it easier for them to disband us if you start acting like them," He paused to refill his tea cup," Besides, you know damn well Hange is setting up something idiotic."

Deadpool:" Thanks for the vote of confidence, PIMPIN!," To compensate his pride being hurnt, Deadpool reached across from Armin to steal his Dill pickle.

Armin:" HEY!" he protested, obviously

Deadpool: " I'd like to remind everyone," He addresses his fellow soldiers, waving the pickle around the carriage," That were are in a fucking horse drawn carriage! How can you be sending off negative vibes in a vehicle practically synonymous with fairy tales?," The pickle is pointed at Levi. " And you, don't be fillin Pimpin's and Eren's fragile brains with ideas of conspiracy theories and war propaganda. HEY, THIS IS A HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE, CRACK THE WHIP YOU FUCKING PUSSY!"

Jean: " I hate you SOOO MUCH WADE!" Jean shouts could be heard inside as he was driving.

Deadpool: " I KNOW YOU MEAN LOVE!"

_Trost District_

Inhabitants of Trost evacuated further into Wall Rose when the Titans attacked. By order of the king, Trost was setting up a Titan research facility. During the massacre Hange's squad caught two smaller Titans, to which she named Sonny and Bean. Hange, like the brilliant little psycho we can't help but love, cashed in on the new bill for Titan research. This was more than her job, it's become a passion buried in suffering of people she's seen eaten. Just as Deadpool uses comedy to battle his demons, Hange seeks comfort in feeding her curiosity. She fights through the pain as well, but today wasn't a day for tears. Erin and Deadpool were on their way to Trost, hopefully to clear the air on a few subjects. What the hell did a Titan look like up close Deadpool asked himself? He kept up the act that he was a Titan shifter like Erin just to keep below Levi's radar. As Jean stopped the carriage, Deadpool pulled a photo from his top pocket on his Cadet uniform. He needed something to compare the Titans to, so he ripped out the page Hanged drew. It was of the colloasal Titan. Levi was the first out, then Erin.

Armin:" Wade?"

Deadpool:" Huh," He brought his head up.

Armin:" Are you ok?"

Deadpool:" Normally, I'd lie to you and say yes and fart in one perfect boom, but I can actually say yes and firkin mean it."

Armin: I'm glad, it's nice to know you're getting some closure." He gave Deadpool a smile before exiting the carriage.

Hange moved Sonny and Bean closer to where Erin plugged the whole the colossal Titan kicked in. It was perfect. She set up a circus style tent , except it's camo green and not the cool colors. Around the interior were UV Lights, pointing to the center where Sonny and Bean sat. The chains and collars not only kept them from moving, they were made from Kanthal metal. Able to send direct electricity through the wires looked through the chains, and heat and stay heat for up to 75 second at 1200 degrees Celsius. A few soldiers were caught playing with the control panel that controlled the current and amps of their chains. Hange had them dishonorably discharged. She tortured the Titans for her research, but cried tears of guilt driving a red hot poker through Sonny's heart, if he had one. Needless to say she built a reputation for loving Titans to the point of betraying humanity. It didn't matter. The people she surrounded herself with knew she was a good person, that's all that matters.

Deadpool:" So basically what you're telling me, she had no fucks to give…..and she got money for it."

Levi:" Pretty much."

Deadpool:" DUDE, she followed the Pimp manual step by step. Turn nothing into something, you can learn form that crazy bitch Pimpin."

Levi:" tch, don't say that when we get there. Her ego is as big as yours." He Smiled, it was on one side, but what ifs.

Deadpool: " YOU SMILED, HAH!"

Levi:" Huh, what are you talking about? I smile all the time."

Deadpool:" Maybe, but this one paints a different picture." He continued to prattle about the upside down Levi frown as they walked the streets of Trost.

Erin:" He's got a point Captain." He said with a hint of fear

Levi: " Really, and what picture do I paint you're head Jaeger." He said glaring at Erin through his peripheral.

Deadpool:" You look like you just finished fucking somebody. Do your eyes get all shadow-dy when you pop that first nut."

Erin and Armin laughed into their hands. Levi just shrugged it off and power walked towards the huge tent he assumed was Hange's. Scout Regiment soldiers were posted around the entrance. Both gave Levi a salute, and the Cadets got ZILCH! Deadpool just clutched the picture Hange drew. Looking at how similar he is to the Titan who caused so much misery, a chill went up his spine. Fear was starting to set in, but Deadpool was handling it pretty well. He took a deep breath, and walked right in the tent. Bertolt and Reiner were the soldiers standing guard, and tried to say hi to Deadpool. Without one word, he marched in there with the courage of a Lion, forgetting the only one he knew was in the Wizrd of Oz.

Hange: " MY BOYS!" She ran up to Erin and Deadpool, giving them each a hug with each arm.

Erin and Deadpool: " HA-N-GE…CA CAN'T BREATH."

Hange:" Oh, sorry , I'm just so excited!" she said hopping up and down, her swords clanking together in rhythm.

Deadpool: " Damn girl you got a grip," he complimented her, rubbing his sore neck to make sure it was still attached.

This would be the time Deadpool would've made a Colossal hand job joke. Sadly, his attention was focused on the two large naked men sitting in a cage, chained and collared. He ran towards them , brushing off every soldier unlucky enough to get in his way. The closer he got, the more he gritted his teeth. He was getting pissed, but not the way you would think.

Deadpool: " OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY," ok, he was really pissed," ARE YOU FUCKING GETTING ME WITH THIS SHIT?"

Hange: " Wade?," she seemed insulted.

Deadpool:" We've been getting the stink eye, death threats, and bullshit from you people just cause Erin and I fit the spectrum of a Titan, and all I see are two Ken© Dolls turned into the biggest electronic vaporizer cigarette? FUCK YOU ALL, AND YOUR MAMA!" 

Hange: " Wade, I thought you'd be happy," She felt really hurt. The soldiers may thought of Hange as a bit odd, but would never say anything like that to her. " We can finally help you and Erin with your Titan abilities, I…I thought." She started to tear up when Deadpool got in her face.

Deadpool: " DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT HANGE, NOT FROM YOU. I could care less what you do with these two fuck nut, but after all the shit I did to prove I wasn't a Titan they end up not looking a damn thing like us. Pimpin, Armin, Horse dick, I'm done here. You all can go play with yourself."

Soldier A: " What a jerk."

Soldier B: " She only tried to help you ya freak."

Deadpol:" When I want help, I'll call the Deadpool corp, otherwise, leave me the fuck alone."

THUNDER

CRASH

Before he could get back to making another sandwich, Deadpool stopped midway through the tent when he heard the thunder of a single lightning bolt from outside. Then out of nowhere, Deadpool realized that he had made, ironically, an error in judging Titans. There were at least 100 soldier in the tent, each one served in the battle over Trost. It was that single bolt that struck terror and chaos inside every human heart who heard it. Deadpool was now convinced as he saw the tent being pulled up from it's spikes in the ground, taking two soldiers with it, the ones talking about Deadpool. One couldn't hold on, and fell. He was screaming for his mother to save him, his last thoughts before his necked snapped open when he hit the ground. The other, well….he got off easy. Deadpool saw the guy that called him a jerk, being held up by his legs. He threw his arms everywhere in a panic, trying to gab anything to delay the fate he dreaded as soon as he joined the Scout Regiment. The last thing he was able to see, was a pair of icy blue eyes and pearly white teeth. Then, he saw the last bit of sunlight as he was being swallowing whole by , a Female Titan.

Soldier C: " THE TITANS HAVE BREACHED THE TROST DISTRICT!"

Everyone grabbed their 3D maneuvering hear, and headed straight for the deadly blond haired Titan. A few D-list soldiers were swatted like flies. Deadpool awed at the power she had. Sure enough this Titan bore a striking resemblance to him. But a female? His mind re adjusted to the corpse that was flung at his feet. Instinct kicked in and he helped the propped the body up, whispering 'you'll be ok.' He stopped when he pulled back the mangled cape over her face. It was caved in from being the female Titan. Her skull cracked and wedged itself in her brain, blood was dripping from her wound on Deadpool's uniform. The Female Titan was grabbing the 3D gear wires, spinning them a few times, then launcheing them into what ever they hit first. Very David and Goliath. Then came an ear peiecering shriek from the robust femal Titan. Suddenly life entered the eyed of Sonny and Bean. Movement cause the chains and wires to heat up and burning the titans skin. Steam and the smoke from burnet skin woffted under Deadpool's nose, making him turn his head to the other Titans. They broke free and were hidden. Steam from healing their wounds and smoke from the hot chains, no one except Deadpool saw what happened when these two got out. Hange tried to deploy the steel web to stop them. You can't do that when Sonny has you by the fist.

Deadpool: " HANGE!," He dropped the girl he was holding and ran to the women he just told to fuck her mother.

Hange: " SONNY, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU!" She managed to pullout one of her razor thin Titan swords out to cut Sonny's hand off, but before she could activate the grappling hook in her 3D gear, Bean jump up to devour the rest of Hange. It was her turn now to stare death in the face. " NOOOO!"

CHOMPED

Hange:" GAAAAAAAAAA !" Tears rolled down her face when she close them, and prepared for the worst. The tears came in buckets when Bean missed her whole body, except her arm. That was Deadpool, diving forward and pushing her out the way. Not in time to save her arm, but just enough for both of them to see Deadpool and grab him instead. The air was knocked out of him when he was squeezed by whoever had him. Deadpool blacked out after everything that's happened. Yes you heard right, he didn't faint, he blacked out like a man.

18c0a2830

_Wall Sina_


	5. Chapter 30: Spoiler Ar-lert!

I wanted to get this chapter out there as fast as I could. But I forgot to bold the thought bubbles. Again

*indicated first of Deadpool's thought bubble #1*

(These indicate thought bubble number#2)

Enjoy!

Oh and FYI, Huge Spoiler Alert for anyone who hasn't caught up with the Attack on Titan Manga. Although my interpretation has a different plot, certain aspects of the show before season two comes out will be in this chapter, read at your own risk!

_Wall Sina: King Fritz's Throne room_

Commander Erwin Smith, believed Eren and Deadpool, could benefit the fight for humanities survival. Humanity, more accurately, the monarchy questioned Commander Smith's judgment and brought him to the capital. As he entered the ivory towers of the Fritz family castle, Erwin's heart started to race. He scanned the room to see the king sitting on his throne, with government officials who he knew hated him and the survey corp sitting right next to him. Commander Smith could hear his own heart beat when he marched to the king and gave him a proper salute. The King just rested his head against his hand , lounging as his cohorts snorted dismissive bouts chuckling.

Commander Smith:" Your Majesty, at the risk of sounding callous, why have you summoned me? We are grateful that you see the Scout Regiments worth , but I can't be pulled away from my duties."

Government Official #1:" You will do as you're damn told boy!" He shouted from his chair, "Allocating tax payer money for this expedition is an investment. So enlighten me," He flipped through today's newspaper, pointing out the article on the Female Titan," . Commander Smith starting to compulsively swallow, his throat getting dryer as he attempted to keep his cool.

Commander Smith: " An internal investigation is already in progress. I was assured that the only Titans in Trost belonged to Captain Hange, so at this point we're working on the premise of other Titan Shifter like Cadet Yaeger and Wilson infiltrating Wall Rose." He managed to pace his breathing while maintaining his composure. For all he knew, this would end with Smith getting fitted for a noose to hang himself with.

Government Official #2:" Clearly," He snorted, " But what about the Titans you begged to recruit. Seems to me the appearance of a Titan in the walls is rather suspicious."

Commander Smith:" If you're insinuating that my regiment had prior knowledge to this attack," He clenched his fist to keep form showing how pissed he was. " Then look at who approved our %200 budget surplus. It would be counterproductive for us to stage a coup for more money."

Government Official #3: "Yet you mention it anyway?" He asked sardonically. "Captain Hange's statement in the hospital mentions the Female Titan ability to communicate with," He looks at his copy." Sonny and Bean. They immediately targeted her and captured you're Titan shifter cadets. Explain how that happened."

Commander Smith: "Priority was concentrating our forces on the biggest threat. Sonny and Bean were in restraints so they weren't a cause for concern," He licked his dry lips," If I may …"

Government Official #4: "Commander Smith, this incident cost the lives of 20 of your soldiers. That area was isolated for military personal only. Frankly, we concluded another member of your group is a Titan shifter. We will be conducted our own internal investigation. I've sent the Kings representative to Trost, and you will provide him with the military's full cooperation. Lead the investigation to us and focus on the expedition.

Commander Smith:" …" He hestitated to lash out in protest. Blood started dripping from his fist, with his nails forcibly penetrating his skin. "Who do I report do when I return to Trost?"

? ?: " Don't go blowin your top off mate, " a man dressed in camouflage, armed to the teeth with pointy things, most notable his katanas ,appeared from behind the king's throne. " Not before we we comb every inch of your organization until I find the bitch. You report to me with any information about where your two Titan shiftin blokes might be hiding, total disclosure, no exceptions."

Commander Smith: "I don't do business with people I don't know."

? ?:" Is that is?" He drew one of his katanas to slice his own hand. Then he approached Commander Smith and grasped his bleeding and with the commanders. As he shook it, he introduced himself, ignoring Smith's attempt to escape his grip.

? ? : " Since there's already a Wilson in your group, call me Slade. I wouldn't want to be mistaken as him."

_?_

Deadpool: " *Cough*," He started to come to when he caught the glare of the sunset. "What the …?" Deadpool saw Bertolt, with Annie holding Eren under her armpit like a child getting a beating.

Bertolt:" Wade…..I'm sorry it had to come to this." He eyes fell, heavy with guilt after capturing Deadpool and Eren.

Deadpool: " First off, BERT!" He quickly stuck tongue out." What the fuck is going on here, and what are you apologizing for bitch!? What did you, " He was caught off guard for an instant. A pair of empty white eyes met with Deadpools. These belonged to the Armored Titan. Their eyes met for the time, and Deadpool finally noticed the similarities. He failed to notice he was perched on the Armored Titans shoulder like a wise cracking mini parrot. Bertolt was clutching it's exoskeleton for support, Annie did the same. The Armored Titan lowered his body to the ground, causing Deadpool to slide off. His body was limp as it plummeted to the ground, until he was caught by the Armored Titan. The beast was surprisingly gentle with Deadpool, who was still in a bit of shock when he was set down. Bertolt and Annie hopped off to meet up with Deadpool. Why are they acting so casual about this he thought? He was expecting to be on the menu tonight.

The armored Titans fell flat on the grassy floor of the Forrest of Giant Trees. The hissing of steam escaping it's body made Deadpool wake up and avoid being poached like an egg. He sprinted away for about 3 seconds, before witnesses the body decaying faster than a dragon corpse in Skyrim. What was left, well, who was left was Reiner Braun.

Deadpool:" Son of a bitch," He was in total awe.

*WAIT WHAT? These kids are Titans…..like Teen Titans?*

( Don't tell DC people, we don't own any of this)

Reiner:" Sorry you had to see that brother," He said brushing off the ash from his Titan body. " I guess the cat's out of the bag now, I'm the armored Titan, Bertolt is the colossal Titan , and you've already met Annie's Titan form.

Deadpool: " Cat's out of the bag? How can you be so calm after some bullshit like that!?" he yelled running towards Reiner and the others.

Bertolt: " It's true. 5 years ago I stood over Wall Maria and started this war."

Deadpool: " You?" He didn't think the pansy had it in him.

Annie: " Eren nearly killed him during Trost, even before he knew about his Titan origins."

Deadpool: " Origin, Like Origin story time?"

Annie:" Reiner, tell him." She dropped Eren to venture in the forest. " I need a moment."

Deadpool: " Tell me what."

Reiner:" *sigh* Bertolt, Annie, Ymir, we knew each other in our homeland outside the walls."

Deadpool:" I FUCKING KNEW IT, SHE'S A WALKING SPOIL ALERT!"

Bertolt:" She's more than that," His face told a different tale," Ymir swallowed our best friend Marcel. He sacrificed himself to save Reiner."

Reiner:" But since then, we forgave her after we learned a thing or two about our origins."

Deadpool:" Childhood friends battling against humanity. I would've figured that out."

Reiner:" Yeah," He scratched his head in embarrassment," I hated to be so forward about all of this. Cards all on the table, I….we want you and Eren to join us."

Deadpool:" In what?"

Reiner:" Think of it brother, you and Eren don't need to be treated like military dogs. The humans did this to themselves."

Deadpool:" How so?"

Ymir: " Hoarding all the food, water, segregating the rich and any friend of the monarchy."

Deadpool:" Hmm, Sounds to me like you guys just want to target Wall Sina."

Reiner: " That ….actually sounds like the better idea," He started getting excited, realizing he can be out and proud with his abilities and anti=humanity ideas.

Bertolt:" We tried, there's a reason rich people get all the luck. Titans , not even us could get through without getting in trouble." Bertolt did his best to avoid eye contact with Deadpool.

Ymir:" In a nutshell Wade, no matter how many holes we make, a Titan as big as Bert here can't even cough on Wall SIna." She surprised Bertolt when she joined the conversation.

Bertolt:" DAMMIT YMIR!," he was acting like a scared child, double ductching backwards from the shock of Ymir's presence. "

Ymir: " Hi Wade!," She enthusiastically responded to Deadpool's presence as a sign the mission went well. " No that you've been briefed,"

*Hehe , debriefed*

Deadpool:" Guys, I'm totally with you on this," He interrupted Ymir. " I couldn't stand being around them. They give me the stink eye more than the town slut at church. "

Ymir: " Hah , Nice, What about your little butt buddy over there?" She motioned over to an unconscious Eren. "

Deadpool:" Jeezum crow Eren, this kid is so easy to kidnap," He addresses Ymir. " Just leave him to me, but what if I told you I had been working on a little smothin smothin to get in Walls SIna?"

Annie:" Then why haven't you attempted tthis plan?" She came back from her little venture.

*Did she go in there to use bathroom*

(More importantly, did she go #1 or #2)

*DON'T SHAKE HER HAND*

Deadpool: " Shh, " He mentally shh'ed his personalities before turning his attention to the Titan Shifter crowd. " A Titan kept me in his belly even after being killed. They hauled him in for Hange's research. They didn't count on seeing my pasty pilgrim white ass there. I'm guessing they want you dead after the popping your top off. If you ate Bert, Ernie and Ms. Spoiler here , and I walked in like hero who took you down."

Annie:" You're saying they'll want revenge, and pin a medal on you. "

Reiner:" They may even take pictures. People will gather, you throw us up , and we have direct access. I like this idea."

Deadpool: " Umm, you may want to wait till the expedition. Levi, Smith, Pimpin, Pony boy, and firkin Mikasa need to be out of the picture and I'll finally know how to use that ….3D gear whatchamacallit."

Reiner:" I think it's a start, what about you guys?"

It was simple. Deadpool would use his wit and silver tongue to persuade the higher ups in using the Female Titan for war propaganda. After the incident Annie caused trying to get Deadpool and Eren, Only the Military Police were allowed passage into Wall Sina. Getting inside as a human would be more problematic than going in Titan form. Reiner and Bertolt would break through both walls in the Stohess District , then Eren would go Titan and let Reiner and Bertolt rest on his back, running them all the way to the Karanese District, where the expedition operations center moved to after Annie went Titan on Trost.

Deadpool:" So Annie…..do you swallow?"

ANNIE SLAP!

_The next morning , Day 6_

Deadpool couldn't sleep. It took all the mental energy not to have a heart attack last night. This left him stressed and worries. He was grateful that Eren was unconscious , but had to make up a story him fainting during the Female Titan altercation. If that didn't create a pounding headache, thinking about what to do next gave him a migraine worthy of a power drill to the temple. It's bad enough that his plan to find the Human/Titan backfired, but now he had to improvise when he said he had a plan. He didn't question it when Eris gave him the idea, he just didn't factor in the kids with Titan powers. From what he saw, they could easily dismember him .Even worse, if he were to get eaten again, it would be a painful everlasting purgatory. Making those holes would bring in more titans and soon as Annie calls them. Titans would be able to kill their way to Wall Sina, and scare all the nobles who've never had the pleasure of their company. Deadpool got up from his bed to dress himself before anybody woke up. After a quick session of flossing he went outside to find some place to make long distance call.

Deadpol:" Death..," He attempted to summon Eris's sister," Remember when you afford to take me to the places I 'improved' ? I'm cashing in that chip," His wide eyes rolled back, hating to admit that…." I need help with this, these Titans are on a different firkin level, and I'm afraid I might not make it back, so if you feel like helpin a brother out, holla at yo Merc!"

*Amen*

(Nice!)

Deadpool:" Shut up…..have a little faith here."

Before he could finish, the few blades of grass under the barracks died when a certain someone's shadow was cast over Deadpool, making her grand entrance in this world of the Multi-verse.

Death:…..Hello my …l," She was tired, Deadpool grabbed her when she lost her balance, accidently grabbing Death's ample bosom.

*Woops, possible wardrobe malfunction*

Deadpool:" Sorry about that." He said letting her head rest on his lap.

Death:" My ….strength here ….*heavy breathing* ….is not what I remember."

Deadpool:" It's ok babe," he stroked her hair before mentioning the reason he summoned her. " umm, does this mean you can't help me out?"

Death:" Heh, humans fear Titans more than death," She shook her head, remember how easily it is to manipulate anyone through Titan propaganda.

*I guess you could call the Blue Oyster Cult*

(Cause they don't fear the Reaper)

*BOOYAA KASSHAA!*

Deadpool: " Oooh, so that means Eris gets more juice than you from these chicken shits. Hmmm. Guess that means I'll need to find someone to help me with ," He digressed." ….all I would need is for you to take me back to one place, " Into a tangent." And if I found someone who could teleport…" He waited for Death to figure it out.

Death: " Who did you have in mind?"

*THANK YOU BABY, tangents are getting harder to think about*

Deadpool: " hmmm," He needed to act quickly. Then a certain Titan came to mind. Not the ones here though."

_Jump City_

Time worked differently when hopping through the multiverse. Deadpool's timeline from the beginning of this journey, started 3 months ago. The Teen Titans timeline ran slower than Deadpool. Currently the Titans are still looking for Wade Wilson, knowing damn well the cops were looking for the wrong man. Jump City police were looking for Slade Wilson, but Robin knew Deadpool was their guy.

Luckily , as a part of the deal Slade made with Eris, the Titans memory was wiped about the name Slade Wilson in connection with his mercenary handler , Deathstroke. Robin paced through their interrogation room he made into an office. His obsession with these two Wilsons and the names Deadpool and Deathstroke were all he could think about. It drove Starfire to take a short vacation to Tamaran. His endless pursuit made him less than tolerable in their Giant T of a house. Beast Boy tried his best to get Robin to "chillax." That idea dead when he told Beast Boy to "grow and wise up." Now he was getting sick of Robin's bullshit. Making wise-cracks about his height was something he never thought he would do. Raven, being the objective one, went out to get pizza, she figured a little slice of Italian heaven would calm everyone's nerves.

Raven: " Starfire," She looked up at the ceiling," I know you needed to some time to yourself, but you can't expect me not to destroy these frat boy superheroes!" She screamed through here conversation with Starfire."

Titan Communicator , Starfire: " I understand your frustration friend Raven. Under more dire circumstances I wouldn't hesitate to aid you."

Raven: " Star," she took off her hoody to reveal a freshly cut hair-do. It looked like Levi's tobe honest. " Beast Boy stopped pranking Robin. You can guess who he chose for a new target." She pulled her hoody back up, hoping no one saw it.

Titan Communicator, Starfire: " Tee hee, he put the mentality disturbed glue in the bottle of shampoo?" Raven enjoyed it when Starfire was stumped by an idiom or plain speaking English.

Ding DONG!

Beast Boy: " RAVEN, COULD YOU SPOT ME A $20 FOR THE PIZZA, I LOST MY COUPON!"He shouted from his bedroom.

Cyborg: " COUNT THE MEATBALLS ON MINE!" He reminded Raven about how Jump City Pizza parlors might skimped on toping if they're for delivery."

Robin: " IF ONE MEAT BALL TOUCHES MY PINEAPLLE AND HAM, INTERIGATE THE PIZZA BOY!"

Titan Communcator, Starfire: " Umm, friend Raven, I think doing the yoga or…"

CRASH, SHATTER

Raven:" NO! COUNT THEM YOURSELF! AND GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND DO IT YOURSELF!," She screamed at the top of her lungs. Starfire's words couldn't reach her after Raven thew it from the couch hard enough to strike out Derek Jeter, but instead went through the window.

CRASH

?: " DAT HURT DAMMIT!"

Raven: " Wonderful…I threw my communicator just far enough to hit the pizza guy. I didn't have to use my powers for that outburst." She floated over to the elevator with the cash in hand. She expected to get a verbal bashing from the pizza guy. Verbal bashing yes , pizza man, hell no.

Ding

Deadpool: " Just for that," The elevator doors opened to reveal Deadpool holding pizza boxes one hand , and the broken communicator in the other," I'm keeping one of these."

Raven: " AHHH, " She started summoning her magic," Azarath metrion ZINTHOS!" Her aura shaped itself into tentacles, each pinning down Deadpool , slamming him down a couple of times before stopping.

Deadpool: " FUCK!, OK I get it,…."

Raven:" You son of a bitch!" She threw him against the wall, causing it to cave in. Her dark magic ceased , letting Deadpool fall to the floor.

Deadpool: " BITCH GIVE ME TWO FUCKING SECONDS, I NEED A GOD DAMN FAVOR!" He got up and approached the demon halfling.

Raven : " You expect me to believe you came all this way, even though we're still cleaning up your mess, to ask us a favor?" She massaged her temples trying to wrap her brain around this lunatic.

Deadpool: " In all fairness, I gave you Slade Wilson on a platter!"

Raven: " Wait, you mean Slade Slade, Robin's obsession Slade. That's just an alias he uses." She was getting fed up with Deadpool's idiocy.

Deadpool:" What, didn't we do this, I kicked Slade's ass, framed him for the shit I did, after nearly blowing myself up in that cave, gave you guys the credit, YOUR WELCOME BY THE WAY! Are you done blaming me for Robin's little obsession?"

Raven: " How …What cave..?"

*Dis bitch is stupid, how could she forget the beating we gave Slade*

(That was a beating even geeks weren't aware off)

*Then how did she forget get*

Deadpool: " This is ….oh shit,….!"

*Eris, Pinkie Pie wasn't enough, she had to pimp out DEATHSTROKE THE TERMINATOR*

( That is overkill incarnate! )

Deadpool: " Death," He backed away from Raven, expecting to get an answer out of his prospective love muffin.

Jump City had developed a baseline fear just under "shitting a brick," but more than enough to wet a couple of boxer shorts and panties. Death and Eris were both feeling the effects of Deadpool's work on this hero dependent nation.

Death:" Yes my love," She slipped through a rip in space/time, Raven was in awe.

Raven:" Thanatos!?" She couldn't control her emotions, literally staring Death in the face caused every light bulb to burst, her magic was getting dangerous.

POP POP POPOPOP

*Dude, she had multi orgasms, BUCKET LIST*

( Check off " Give a women multi orgasms")

*Without the use of an electronic device*

(Oh , right…..let me amend that real quick.)

Death: " I guess my reputation precedes me on both ends of your genetic spectrum." Death glared at Raven," Perhaps you know my mother," She started inching her way to Raven, torturing the poor girl.

Raven: " Yes…..I've written poetry of Nyx the goddess of darkness." Now she was going fangirl.

Death: " Clever girl," She pulled Raven's hoody down slowly.

Raven: " I ….uh…" She was at the mercy of death.

Death: " Adorable," She started tracing Ravens lips with her finger, " I understand you're hostility towards my companion , but he's under the command of my sister."

Raven: " ERIS….*cough* I mean Eris?" she nearly

Deadth:" Correct, you know the multiverse fairly well for someone your age. I'm sure you could lend Deadpool a hand in finding a few people for us. My sister has many mortal constituents in the multiverse. A small army would suffice, but we need certain individuals. Can you help us find them?"

Raven:" I….I can't forgive Deadpool for what he did." It sounded like she made up her mind.

Deadpool: " Fine, but I can tell you this, Slade is out there too. Help me and you'll end up finding his British Ass!"

*I thought he was Australian*

(They print Queen Elizabeth on their currency, as far as I'm concerned he's British)

Raven: " Well.." She thought it would bring Robin out of this slump. Besides, teaming up with Deadpool sounds better than the Male driven drama in Titan Tower.

Deadpool: " And I'll sweeten the deal. I have a good idea who am gonna need, but I want to find who else Eris hired to see my options. One in particular will be our first stop, and I know a few people there who would be more than willing to let you stay there for a little rest and relocation."

Raven:" So far this isn't convincing me to abandon my team. "

Deadpool:" Don't question greatness….I've noticed you like a certain television show, you might call it a guilty pleasure. I bugged your Tower the moment Robin found me out, and you my pale friend, are a pega-sister!."

Raven:" ….go on"

_. Deadpool Army Time zone_

Jack Sparrow: " AAAHHHHHHHHHH." He was getting the hang of

Deadpool had one of his soldiers modify every suspension harness test on the military base. Jack's was specially designed at the impressive height of 200 feet. Everyone else's reached 10, but old Jacky tried to cause a mutiny. The suspension cage was his new gallows, being hung by the wires, but they weren't attach to his neck. Instead the, the little green Irken Invader operating it hit the breaks.

Zim: " Prepare to receive a wedgie worthy of the name ZIM!" Hi pulled the break lever, stopping jack 5 feet from the ground. His pants were pulled up far enough to make himself a new ass crack.

Deadpool: " Very nice Zim, that'll teach that rum guzzling pirate to try and throw me off my groove."

ZIm:" A pleasure indeed my Tallest," He bowed his head in respect," Shall I raise him again sir."

Deadpool: " I think 12 times is my limit Zim, is he the last one.:

Zim: " Actually there's one little urchin who refuses to participate." He used his mechanical spider leg form what looked like his backpack, to get a clipboard with the roster of Deadpool's army.

Deadpool: " Refuses to participate?" Then he matched the name with a face when he looked at ZIm's clipboard. " Is she around here?"

ZIm:" She's perched on that boulder."

Deadpool:" Was that boulder always there?"

ZIm:" Nope, shall I dispatch the earth child."

Deadpool:" Dude she's a kid."

Zim:" EVEN A MOSQUITO CAN TAKE DOWN A KING….er um….ONCE A SNAKE..umm SPOOT!," He ran towards the mess hall, where everyone was waiting on Deadpool and the kid before they could eat. " ARCHER, THAT THING YOU HAD FOR THIS THING, HOW DID IT GO!?

Deadpool:" Hehehe, I love my job." He looked up to a single stack of large boulders, built like a tower , just high enough to see everything. Nip this problem from the get go he thought when he started climbing it. Both of his hands griped the edge. He managed to pull himself up before getting a good look at who had the attitude. But before he could get a word in.

?:" Why did you bring me here?"

Deadpool:" Cause I need you on my team, everybody has a role to play."

?:" And what am I, the bait?" She was laying on her back, knees brought in with one foot over the other.

Deadpool: " Why would you think that?"

?:" Cause I can see the guys on that useless 3D crap miles away in that other town, er whatever tey have in this dumb place."

Deadpool: " Ok," He laid down next to her, knowing full well it didn't matter if he didn't have his mask on for her. " Why did I bring you along when the universe is filled with people more capable and cooler than you."

?:" Pffft, good luck, I'm too awesome."

Deadpool: " And didn't you think I knew that. Look down there for a sec." He pointed at the mess hall.

?:" I'm blind chatterbox." She folded her arms and sat with her legs crossed. She didn't need someone pointing that out.

Deadpool:" With your feet ya dork, I know what you can do." This one was special, blind but could feel vibrations from untold amount of distances, and she could get a rough estimate of what someone looks like.

?:" Oh…oops, …hmmm, okay I'm "Looking."" She said using quotation fingers.

Deadpool: " I honestly don't know how to use that gear."

?:" WHAT? YOU IDIOT!"

Deadpool: " Which is why I need you to teach them."

?:" WELL DUH ….wait what?"

Deadpool: " These guys live on the edge of death every day. Their skills are incidental, they can't learn any other way. And I'm gonna be honest with you. Chaotic as you may be, you don't hold a candle to these guys."

?: " You don't know me mister!."

Deadpool: " *sigh* kids, I sure as hell am not gonna hire a fish to save a kitten from tree, but if that cat was thrown in water , that fish would be da shit!."

?: *chuckle* *snort* "

Deadpool: " heh, anyway 3D Gear is all about balance, just like what were all doing getting into bed with Eris. And I'm not gonna let one of those guys, myself included, teach the army how to use that. Ya get guys like meto do the bad stuff, but I chose you because you have the most experience weight distribution techniques in martial arts. That's why I need you. I know you can figure this out in an hour and master the 3D Gear."

?: she thought about what he said. " Do you really think I can…..I …"

Deadpool: " Whoa….are you doubting yourself…..I thought I was talking to a bad ass." He was egging her on.

?: " Bad enough to make you cry to your mama."

Deadpool: " Oh well, she's dead."

?:" Never stopped me before."

Deadpool: " HAH! That's what these guys need. We're all going through this blindly, but you have the luxury of being blind. Aint that a bitch!." She laughed even harder than before. Deadpool had that effect people , even kids, who are social outcasts. Deadpool did recruit this young lady for a reason, and that reason is..

_Deadpool Army Time zone: Mess Hall, 1 hour later_

Archer:" Ok, for the umpteenth time, even a pawn can kill a king. It makes weak people think they can not not fail…..not never fail..."

ZIm: " …YOU LIE!," He whacks the chess board they were using to explain the analogy.

Deadpool: " LISTEN UP, THIS IS YOUR NEW DRILL SEARGANT!" She pushed Deadpool out of the doorway before introducing herself.

?:" THAT'S DRILL SEARGANT TOPH BEI FONG, GET READY TO CHECK UNDER YOUR BEDS LADIES, CAUSE AFTER TODAY, YOU'LL BE CHECKING UNDER YOUR BUNKS TO MAKE SURE I'M NOT THERE….IS THAT UNDERTOOD? GIVE ME A HOO RAA!"

Everyone: " HOO RAA DRILL SEARGENT!"


	6. 31:Wfriends like that, who needs enemas

I do not own any material that was altered in fanfic. I don't have any rights to work by Def Jam and Kat Williams. Don't sue me , School burns my wallet enough and you wouldn't get much.

_Equeststria_

Ponyville has since prospered after Deadpool's departure. While his Apple Moonshine was never distributed beyond Ponyville, others have attempted to duplicate the recipe. Equestrians now have the option to obtain various fruit based alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately Princess Celestia and Luna enforced strict prohibition laws. Food was being used to make booze instead of feeding the towns-ponies. This however did not stop Pinkie Pie from venturing into this field herself. When she got back from Ooo, Pinkie Pie needed an outlet to vent. A friend died right in front of her, inevitable, but it was too early for her. She took the initiative and opened a side business with Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Cupcake Corner would be open 5am to 5pm…8pm to …whenever were the hours for Ponyville's first ever Dessert Bar, ironically called,_ Pluie Chocolat_ . Translation: "Chocolate Rain." But that's not where the story continues.

_Canterlot_

Deadpool: " See, what I tell ya?" Death had the better aim he thought, Raven and Deadpool stepped through the portal overlooking what she thought was a "Magical Kingdom of Pretty Pretty Pegasus."

Raven: " This….had better not be a green screen."

A tear caressed her pale face. The harsh and judgmental tones reality gives her on a daily basis only enabled isolation and being socially inept. Was this real, this glorious world she could only envy regardless of its fictitious background? Heh, who was Deadpool to judge fictional characters?

Deadpool:" It's not the show you're thinking of, it's better. This is Equestria. Filled with Dragons and Ponies , and Unicorns."

***OH MY!***

**( Nailed it)**

Raven breathed in deeply, silently wishing this wasn't a joke, and took her first step in Equestria. As her body passed through the portal, she found herself on all fours. Grey skin was lined with fur, hooves for feet, a lunar black mane parted on the side, completed with a leotard, cape, and surprising enough, a horn. Raven transformed into a Unicorn once she stepped through the portal Death made. Deadpool followed, reverted back to his Earth pony body, except his Survey Corp Cadet uniform contoured to his new shape. He looked rather dapper.

Deadpool: " Eeyup, Canterlot. Where the rich can punch each other in the C* K after powdering their noses and f^#k each other with a douche while wearing Polo shirts at Pretensions C#$T Camp."

***TEEN RATING? YOU AGAIN?!* **

Raven: " I love it…..*sniff* and you said after I help you, I stay here for a while?"

Deadpool: " Totes! You don't even have to make a deal with me like Eris, but first," his new hooves started clopping on a path leading to Princess Celestia's Castle. " I have some unfinished business."

_Princess Celestia's Castle: Throne Room_

Princess Celestia's: " Beg your pardon, who's at the gate."

Prrincess Twilight: " Wade slash Deadpool slash TROUBLE!" She pleaded with the princess not to let him in.

Prnicess Celestia:" Hmm, Spike!" She summoned the young drake.

Spike: " Yes you're majesty? " He bowed and performed a curtsy.

Princess Celestia: " Allow our guests inside, and have Shining Armor escort them here."

Spike:" Yes…wait what? You want to role out the red carpet for that guy?" he made references to his antics , and the hot sauce incident.

Princess Celestia: " Spike," she said , very disappointed.

Princess Twilight: "Spike *sigh*," She rolled her eyes." As much as I may disagree with his methodology, he has been given Princess Celestia's blessing and we shouldn't be so quick to judge."

Rarity:" Ummm, excuse me, so sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help overhearing," she hid the cup she used to hear through the gates away." Is Wade coming for a visit?"

Spike: " Or hiding from me." Spike puffed out his chest, asserting his male prowess to Rarity.

Rarity: " *chuckle* Don't be silly Spike."

Spike:" …Ah crud." Epic fail."

SLAM

Deadpool: " YOU!" he sure as hell knew how to use his hoofs, he pointed Princess Celestia and trotting over to the group.

Princess Celestia: " Welcome back Wade, it's truly good to see you again."

Deadpool: " Can it LUCY, Cause you got some esplainin," Only true TV buffs will get that one.

Raven: " Umm." Raven couldn't say anything, she was in a real Pony Princess Castle. Something she would never talk about with anyone else. Suddenly, things got better.

Apple Jack:" S'much for spoilin the surprise. Howdy Deadpool." She walked passed Raven, with a few others as well.

Applebloom:" Hey'yall." She ran to catch up with her older sister.

Fluttershy:" Umm, hello Mr. Wilson, it's good to see you….especially without the pointy, sharp, dangerous, objects."

Rainbow Dash:" Their called weapons Fluttershy." She corrected her

Fluttershy:" Oh I know, I just don't like that word, so I choose not to say it." Correction, that wasn't a correction.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle:" OUT OF THE WAY." They zoomed right passed Raven on Scootaloo's scooter.

Raven:" What is wrong with this picture?" She asked herself. " Do they know who him, what he's capable of, the wired stuff he does with a chimichangas."

Princess Luna:" *chuckle* I'm afraid so my little pony." Luna caught Raven talking with herself when she entered the throne room.

Raven:" Are…Are you a princess too?"

Princess Luna:" Of course, does this disturb you?"

Raven:" NO NONONNO," her hands signaled that she got it all wrong," I've just….I pictured what I might look like as a pony…and you look exactly like I imagined."

Princess Luna:" Oh my, well I'm glad I could be of some inspiration, I take it you're a friend of Deadpool?"

Raven:" From a different world yes, friend no, but how did he get all of those girls to be his friends."

Princess Luna:" Heh, I'm sure he wonders the exact conundrum. However, the Unicorn with the violet hair."

Raven:"…ok." She focused on Rarity.

Princess Luna: " She was nearly engulfed in dragon fire if not for Deadpool's heroism. He shielded her, and withstood the searing pain for an entire breath. His gift kept him alive, enduring that much pain, but I've known ponies who would rather perish than to see their friends hurt. Deadpool however protected one individual, of the very world he was to envelop into chaos." She was right, the past should stay in the past. It's like reading a story you know will bum you out, but you can choose to read something that you enjoy." Watch carefully, something tells me his antics should be quite entertaining with a full audience."

Raven: " Aren't you worried about the other princess?"

Princess Luna:" HAHA, my dear, I can assure," she wiped a laughter induced tear," My sister can tolerate whatever Deadpool has planned."

Rarity:" Ohmygosh , it'shim." She ducked behind Twilights wing.

Princess Twilight: " What is wrong with you? You're acting the same way you did with Trenderhoof."

Rarity: "Who Darling?," Looking back at Deadpool." He has a uniform…TWILIGHT, Colt in Uniform," She whispered.

Princess Twilight:" Fantastic," She forced out half assed enthusiasm, something distracted her. " Umm Rarity…that uniform?"

Rarity: " What about it dear? I mean it's a bit rustic , but…..oh my!"

Deadpool:" Is this some kind of Pony Karma thing….," He struggled to get out of his cadet uniform, realizing he never learned this part the last time he was here."

Princess Celestia: " I'm not sure I DING Ohh," She curled her lips slightly," I think I understand."

Deadpool: " Oh you firkin KNOW IT WOMEN, WHOO!" He fell back trying to get out of his buckled and khakis. " Riddle me this Princess, what did I do…." He finally got them off, and present his Cutie Marks to everyone, not knowing everyone was in complete shock.

Princess Celestia:" HAmf," She covered her mouth before a laughed escaped."

Applebloom:" WHOA NELLY!"

Sweetie Belle:" OH COME ON! He didn't want them and got TWO!"

Scootaloo:" What kind of tradeoff is that?!"

Deadpool: " EXPLAIN THESE, I specifically remember not asking for a tramp stamp, and even if I did I wouldn't want two….and even if I did want two, WHAT THE F)*#K, Comedy and Tragedy Masks! DO I LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF DRAMA QUEEN," Imagine a camera focusing on his face," THIS IS THE ….WORST …..THING….EVER!" Everypony couldn't help themselves, and laughed loud enough for the Castle inhabitants to hear.

_ Pluie À Chocolat. Later that night_

Rainbow Dash: " HAHAHA! Just when you think life couldn't get better," She said while sipping her Rainbow mudslide. Everpony was sitting in a corner booth where they had the perfect view of the dance floor, the DJ, and Pinkie Pie showing off her Mixology skills.

Apple Jack: " Hehe, Ya'll gotta admit it's dead on." She sipped her Appletini ( SHOCKER! :P) before adjusting her seat.

Fluttershy:" Actually, I think it's kind of flattering. You do tend to express….well frankly every emotion at once, I mean I could be wrong." She retreated further in her seat, taking her Peppermint Hurricane beverage with her.

Deadpool:" Nope, you hit the nail on the head Fluttershy."

Flutttershy:" Oh No!"

Deadpool:" NOT LITERALLY…although I've had the pleasure and it's still in there." He knocked on his skull, drinking what appeared to be…a protein shake….

Princess Twilight: " I…for one…*hiccup* think it's awesome *Hiccup* ….you are so lucky….I could never be so bold as to yell at the princess *Hiccup*"

Rarity: " Twilight, I must say you're tolerance is nonexistent," Rarity tried to snap Twilight out of her stupor.

Princess Twilight:" Come on, I only had…..This many," She counted her one hoof.

Rarity:" Oh dear," She took a sip of Twilights drink," There's no alcohol in this!"

Deadpool:" HAH, BOOYA! I knew she was an egg head. She made herself drunk with her mind!"

Raven was astonished. To her, Deadpool was a perverted loose cannon with a hair trigger and no remorse. Yet here he was having drinks with a group of friends that know his history. They accept him, could she have gotten him wrong.

Pinkie Pie:" MR. WILSON!" She dove across their table to give Deadpool a hug. " I'm so glad you came to my party, this is the grand opening of my first business venture, it's totally awesome!"

Deadpool: " Hate to burst your balloon Pinkie, but I need you help again."

Pinkie Pie: " Why, did you order the sweetest thing on the menu." She was getting used to flirting.

Deadpool: " I'll explain on the way."

Pinkie Pie: " OOH, but you have to stay for the main event!"

Deadpool:" The what?"

Vinyl Scratch: " LADIES GENTLECOLTS, AND HATERS OF ALL AGES, ALL LOW SELF ESTEEM FILLIES EXIT THE STAGE EXPEDITIOUSLY IF NOT SOONER! GIVE IT UP, FOR MY HOME BOY, THE CRIMSON COMEDIAN, DEADPOOL!" she yelled in her microphone, attached to what looked like a Disc Jockeys wet dream. Turn tables, keyboards, and huge speakers.

Everypony: "CHEERS!"

Pinkie Pie:" You don't have if you want to leave early….huh?" He was already high hoofing Vinyl Scratch and headed toward the middle of the small stage Pinkie Pie had installed, for karaoke, music, and in this instance Open Mic Night at the Pluie À Chocolat.

Background music

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

CHEERS

Deadpool: "WOOH, Alright cut the music. WHAT'S UP PONYVILLE!"

CHEERS

Deadpool:" Heh, Vinyl that is my theme music right there. Every time I wake up and I'm fittin to be pissed off, Vinyl ,play the song for no reason again." Deadpool pretended to sleep on the stage floor, then woke up when the music started.

_Background Music_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

CHEERS AND LAUGHS

Deadpool:" BOOYA! Turn it DJ and don't play it again audience laugh That is the national anthem of pimps right there, even if your job don't require hustling, like if you worked as Twilights librarian ,forgetting her collection keeps getting bigger, till you can't even find the light switch. Just put that song on!." While the music was playing , he pretended to grab a bunch of books, tossing them in the proper place on the shelf.

_Background Music_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_CHEERS AND CLAPPING_

Deadpool:" HAHA! Stop playin the song Vinyl *Chuckle* I said *chuckle. I'm just sayin, fellas where you?"

WOOT WOOT

Deadpool:" Listen to me careful, if things aren't working right with your filly. I know it can be struggleLaughter She sets you up to fail.

Deadpool used his random female voice, although it sounded like Twilight.

Deadpool (Female voice): " DOES THIS DRESS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?laughter and cheer You can tell me I swear I won't get

Deadpool:" It's like , B (CH I ALREADY SEEN YOU NAKED, STOP BLAMING IT ON THE DRESS!.Laughter. That's not even the worse thing you could say, the worst would be 'Let me back up so I can take it all in."

Hoof stomp cheers

Deadpool:" I'm just saying, stop F #ing her to slow songs, put a song on that will piss you off. Laughter She won't even be able to walk the next day." There was a stool set up in front of the Microphone. Deadpool grabbed it when the music started dry humping the hell out of it.

WOOO CHEERS AND LAUGHTER

Deadpool:" BOOYAKASHA! Vinyl I asked you not to *chuckle* not to play the song again didn't I." He chuckled a bit when he was messing with Vinyl Scratch.

CHEERS

Deadpool:" I'm just saying, if you worked at Donut Joe's Laughter, and it was 2am with nobody in the place. Put this song on." He pretended to make donuts. He started doing dance moves when he pretended to roll out the dough, dunk them in oil, and even moon walking and adding sprinkles at the same time.

_Background Music_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

_Everyday I'm hustlin'_

Cheers, hoove stomping


End file.
